What I Really Know About Caring for Parents
by Sheila Lopez, Auburn, Calif.; reprinted from AARP Bulletin July-August 2012
My dad was a cowboy. He loved to saddle up with the morning sun glinting off the silver of his tack and greet the day riding the hills near his home. For years he rode with Mom. After she was gone, he rode alone.
"I hope I die in the saddle," he said after he was diagnosed at 82 with polymyositis, a degenerative muscle disease; and macular degeneration, which slowly stole his sight.
Because I lived near him, I became his caretaker. When he took out a fence post with the side mirror of his truck, he gave up driving. When he broke more things than he fixed, he stopped doing his own home repairs and started asking for help. But he would not give up riding his favorite horse, Toby.
"Dad shouldn't be riding that horse in his condition," my sister said on the phone.
"I know, but it's all he's living for now," I answered.
Because he lived alone, we didn't see the old cowboy's efforts, but we saw the stitches required when he fell down an embankment trying to dismount. "He could be seriously injured if he keeps this up," my sister said.
"I know," I answered. "But how do you tell a cowboy to give up his horse?"
One day I drove up when Dad was preparing for his morning ride. With a step stool anchored in the dirt on the left side of the horse, Dad climbed aboard with the greatest effort.
I got out of my car and asked, "How in the world do you dismount?"
"I just push myself off his rump," Dad answered with a laugh.
When I told my sister the story, she was silent for a moment. "We've got to leave it alone, don't we?" she said quietly.
"That's what I think," I agreed.
When the right time came, Dad called and said, "Come and get Toby. My riding days are done."
What I know about taking care of parents is what Dad taught us: Give help when it's asked for-and leave the rest alone.
50th Anniversaries, Holidays, National Observances and Birthdays
50th anniversaries
Nov. 3
President Johnson wins a second term with the largest popular vote plurality in U.S. history, receiving 61 percent of the popular vote in a landslide victory over the conservative Sen. Barry N. Goldwater of Arizona.
Residents of Washington, D.C., vote in the presidential election for the first time since 1800, a right granted to them in 1961 with the passage of the 23rd Amendment.
Nov. 21
New York's Verrazano-Narrows Bridge opens to traffic, linking Brooklyn with Staten Island and becoming the world's largest single span suspension bridge at the time.
November national months, observances and holidays
Lung Cancer Awareness Month
National Adoption Month
National Alzheimer's Disease Awareness Month
National American Indian Heritage Month/Native American
Heritage Month
National Diabetes Month
National Family Caregivers Month
National Hospice/Palliative Care Month
National Novel Writing Month
Nov. 1: All Saints Day
Nov. 11: Veterans Day
Nov. 27: Thanksgiving Day
November milestone birthdays
5 things you didn't know about Condoleezza Rice, former national security adviser and secretary of state in the Bush administration (born Nov. 14, 1954)
She was born in Birmingham, Ala., the daughter of two educators.
Her name is based on the musical term "con dolcezza," which is Italian for "with sweetness."
When she was six years old, her parents had her tested to see if she was a genius and were disappointed to discover that her IQ was 136-"good, but not Mensa level," as Rice later explained.
In the late 1970s, she studied Russian for a brief period at Moscow State University in the Soviet Union.
When former President George H.W. Bush invited Rice to the family home in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1998, his son, then-Texas Gov. George W. Bush, confided to her that he was planning to run for president.
50
Nov. 7: Dana Plato (Kimberly, "Diff'rent Strokes")
Nov. 11: Calista Flockhart (actress)
Nov. 14: Run (Run-DMC)
Nov. 16: Dwight Gooden (baseball star)
Nov. 16: Diana Krall (jazz pianist and singer)
Nov. 17: Susan Rice
Nov. 27: Robin Givens
Nov. 29: Don Cheadle
60
Nov. 3: Adam Ant
Nov. 8: Rickie Lee Jones
Nov. 13: Chris Noth (Mr. Big, "Sex and the City")
Nov. 14: Condoleezza Rice
Nov. 14: Yanni
Nov. 23: Bruce Hornsby
Nov. 29: Joel Coen
70
Nov. 10: Tim Rice
Nov. 12: Booker T
Nov. 12: Al Michaels (sportscaster)
Nov. 17: Danny DeVito
Nov. 17: Lauren Hutton
Nov. 17: Lorne Michaels
Nov. 17: Tom Seaver (baseball star)
Nov. 21: Earl Monroe (basketball star)
Nov. 21: Harold Ramis (actor, director, writer)
Nov. 25: Ben Stein
Nov. 28: Rita Mae Brown
80
Nov. 13: Peter Arnett (journalist)
Nov. 13: Garry Marshall
Freebies, Scams and Savings Tips
November free stuff
Nov. 11, Veterans Day: Check the Internet for free meals and other promotions by searching "Veterans Day freebies."
Nov. 11, Veterans Day: Free admission to all 401 national parks (nps.gov/findapark/feefreeparks.htm).
Yearlong Freebies
Books, CDs, DVDs, Internet access, classes and lectures: At 17,000 public libraries across the country.
Cash back: Rebate websites such as BeFrugal.com, CouponCactus.com, Ebates.com and Extrabux.com pay back a percentage of online purchases from select retailers.
Computer security software: Avast! (avast.com/index), AVG (
Fun Places to Go This Month
This list isn't comprehensive, and dates weren't all confirmed when we went to press, so verify the information with the websites provided and check your local newspaper for other ideas.
November great vacations
November TBA
World Championship Punkin Chunkin
(punkinchunkin.com)
Bridgeville, Del.
More than 100 teams from around the world gather here each year to hurl, shoot and launch pumpkins as far as humanly possible. As pumpkin hurling technology advances, old records drop faster than a greased gourd. But at press time the standard bearer was a compressed air gun that sent a pumpkin rocketing 4,483.51 feet. Pumpkins that disintegrate upon launch are disqualified with the derisive exclamation, "Man, that pumpkin's a pie!"
November book fairs
Date TBA
Boston International Antiquarian Book Fair
(www.bostonbookfair.com)
Boston, Mass.
The 38th annual fair features rare books, maps, autographs and prints, plus appraisals and seminars. Admission.
November film festivals
Early November TBA
Virginia Film Festival
(virginiafilmfestival.org)
Charlottesville, Va.
Based at the University of Virginia, this fest features sneak previews of upcoming features, independents and international films, along with a strong educational component, with panel discussions and lessons in filmmaking.
November TBA
St. Louis International Film Festival
(cinemastlouis.org)
St. Louis, Mo.
In its 23rd year, this festival is packed with some 400 films, including features and lots of shorts. The focus is on American independent productions, "horizon-expanding" international films and "high-quality" studio releases.
Nov. 6-13 (tentative)
AFI Fest
(afi.com/afifest)
Hollywood, Calif.
The American Film Institute sponsors this long-running (since 1971) festival that's focused on world cinema, but also premieres big American films, such as Steven Spielberg's Lincoln in 2012.
November food and wine festivals
Nov. 6-9
Big Sur Food and Wine Festival
(bigsurfoodandwine.org)
Big Sur, Calif.
The festival offers wine tastings, panel discussions and "Hiking with Stemware" events, where a special hike is paired with wines along Big Sur's trails.
Nov. 19-23
Flavor! Napa Valley
(
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