ANNIE Iris Vandeleur
WALTER Milo O'Shea
MILLY Jane Eccles
SALLY Vivien Merchant
SOLTO Martin Miller
TULLY Bernard Spear
Directed by Joan Kemp-Welch
It was later performed on the B.B.C. Third Programme on 25 September 1966 in the version printed here, with the following cast:
ANNIE Mary O'Farrell
WALTER John Hollis
MILLY Sylvia Coleridge
SALLY Prunella Scales
SOLTO Sydney Tafler
TULLY Preston Lockwood
BARBARA Barbara Mitchell
MAVIS Carol Marsh
Directed by Guy Vaesen
NIGHT SCHOOL
Living-room.
ANNIE. Look at your raincoat. It's on the floor.
WALTER. I'll hang it up. I'll take the case upstairs, eh?
ANNIE. Have your tea. Go on, have your tea. Don't worry about taking the case upstairs.
Pause.
WALTER. Lovely cake.
ANNIE. Do you like it? I've had to lay off cake. They was' giving me heartburn. Go on, have another piece.
WALTER. Ah well, the place looks marvellous.
ANNIE. I gave it a nice clean out before you came.
Pause.
Well, Wally, how did they treat you this time, eh?
WALTER. Marvellous.
ANNIE. I didn't expect you back so soon. I thought you was staying longer this time.
WALTER. No, I wasn't staying longer.
ANNIE. Milly's not been well.
WALTER. Oh? What's the matter with her?
ANNIE. She'll be down in a minute, she heard you come.
WALTER. I brought some chocolates for her.
ANNIE. I can't stand chocolates.
WALTER. I know that. That's why I didn't bring any for you.
ANNIE. You remembered, eh?
WALTER. Oh, yes.
ANNIE. Yes, she's been having a rest upstairs. All I do, I run up and down them stairs all day long. What about the other day? I was up doing those curtains, I came over terrible. Then she says I shouldn't have done them that way. I should have done them the other way.
WALTER. What's the matter with the curtains?
ANNIE. She says they're not hanging properly. She says I should have done them the other way. She likes them the other way. She lies up there upstairs. I'm older than she is.
Annie pours herself and Walter more tea.
I went out and got that cake the minute we got your letter.
WALTER (sighing). Ah, you know, I've been thinking for months … you know that? … months … I'll come back here … I'll lie on my bed … I'll see the curtains blowing by the window … I'll have a good rest, eh?
ANNIE. There she is, she's moving herself. You got a bit of the sun.
WALTER. I'm going to take it easy for a few weeks.
ANNIE. You should. It's silly. You should have a rest for a few weeks.
Pause.
WALTER. How's Mr Solto?
ANNIE. He's still the best landlord in the district You wouldn't get a better landlord in any district.
WALTER. You're good tenants to him.
ANNIE. He's so kind. He's almost one of the family. Except he doesn't live here. As a matter of fact, he hasn't been to tea for months.
WALTER. I'm going to ask him to lend me some money.
ANNIE. She's coming down.
WALTER. What's a couple of hundred to him? Nothing.
ANNIE (whispering). Don't say a word about the curtains.
WALTER. Eh?
ANNIE. Don't mention about the curtains. About the hanging. About what I told you about what she said about the way I hung the curtains. Don't say a word. Here she comes.
Milly enters.
WALTER (kissing her). Aunty Milly.
MILLY. Did she give you a bit of cake?
WALTER. Marvellous cake.
MILLY. I told her to go and get it.
WALTER. I haven't had a bit of cake like that for nine solid months.
MILLY. It comes from down the road.
WALTER. Here you are, Aunty, here's some chocolates.
MILLY. He didn't forget that I like chocolates.
ANNIE. He didn't forget that I don't like chocolates.
MILLY. Nutty? Are they nutty?
WALTER. I picked them specially for the nuts. They were the nuttiest ones they had there.
ANNIE. Sit down, Milly. Don't stand up.
MILLY. I've been sitting down, I've been lying down. I got to stand up now and again.
WALTER. You haven't been so well, eh?
MILLY. Middling. Only middling.
ANNIE. I'm only middling as well.
MILLY. Yes, Annie's only been middling.
WALTER. Well, I'm back now, eh?
MILLY. How did they treat you this time?
WALTER. Very well. Very well.
MILLY. When you going back?
WALTER. I'm not going back.
MILLY. You ought to be ashamed of yourself, Walter, spending half your life in prison. Where do you think that's going to get you?
WALTER. Half my life? What do you mean? Twice, that's all.
ANNIE. What about Borstal?
WALTER. That doesn't count.
MILLY. I wouldn't mind if you ever had a bit of luck, but what happens? Every time you move yourself they take you inside.
WALTER. I've finished with all that, anyway.
MILLY. Listen, I've told you before, if you're not clever in that way you should try something else, you should open up a little business – you could get the capital from Solto, he'll lend you some money. I mean, every time you put a foot outside the door they pick you up, they put you inside. What's the good of it?
ANNIE. You going to have a jam tart, Wally?
WALTER. Sure.
MILLY (eats). Where'd you get the jam tarts?
ANNIE. Round the comer.
MILLY. Round the corner? I thought I told you to get them down the road.
ANNIE. He didn't have any down the road.
MILLY. Why, he'd run out?
ANNIE. I don't know if he'd made any today.
MILLY. What are they like?
WALTER. Lovely. (He takes another. Eats. Pause.)
MILLY. I've had to lay off tarts, haven't I, Annie?
ANNIE. They was giving her heartburn.
MILLY. I had to lay off. I had to lay right off tarts, since just after Easter.
ANNIE. I bet you never had a tart in prison, Wally.
WALTER. No, I couldn't lay my hands on one.
Pause.
MILLY. Well? Have you told him?
ANNIE. Told him what?
MILLY. You haven't told him?
WALTER. Told me what?
MILLY. Eh?
ANNIE. No, I haven't.
MILLY. Why not?
ANNIE. I wasn't going to tell him.
WALTER. Tell me what?
MILLY. You said you was going to tell him.
ANNIE. I didn't have the pluck.
WALTER. What's going on here? What's all this?
Pause.
ANNIE. Have a rock cake, Wally.
WALTER. No, thanks. I'm full up.
ANNIE. Go on, have a rode cake.
WALTER. No, I've had enough. Honest.
MILLY. Have a rock cake, come on.
WALTER. I can't, I'm full up!
ANNIE. I'll go and fill the pot.
MILLY. I'll go.
ANNIE. You can't go, come on, give me the pot. You can't go, you're not well.
MILLY. I'll go, come on, give me the pot.
ANNIE. I made the tea, why shouldn't I fill the pot?
MILLY. Can't I fill the pot for my own nephew!
WALTER. Now listen, what have you got to tell me – what's the matter? I come home from prison, I been away nine months, I come home for a bit of peace and quiet to recuperate. What's going on here?
MILLY. Well … we've let your room.
WALTER. You've what?
ANNIE. We've let your room.
Pause.
MILLY. Look, Wally, don't start making faces. How could we help ourselves?
Pause.
WALTER. You've done what?
ANNIE. We missed you.
MILLY. It gave us a bit of company.
ANNIE. Of course it did …
MILLY. It gave us a helping hand …
ANNIE. You spend half your time inside, we don't know when you're coming out …
MILLY. We only get the pension.
ANNIE. That's all we got, we only got the pension.
MILLY. She pays good money, she pays thirty-five and six a week …
ANNIE. She's down here every Friday morning with the rent.
MILLY. And she looks after her room, she's always dusting her room.
ANNIE. She helps me give a bit of a dust round the house.
MILLY. On the week-ends …
ANNIE. She leaves the bath as good as new …
MILLY. And you should see what she's done to her room.
ANNIE. Oh, you should see how she's made the room.
MILLY. She's made it beautiful, she's made it really pretty …
ANNIE. She's fitted up a bedside table lamp in there, hasn't she?
MILLY. She's always studying books …
ANNIE. She goes out to night school three nights a week.
MILLY. She's a young girl.
ANNIE. She's a very clean girl.
MILLY. She's quiet …
ANNIE. She's a homely girl …
Pause.
WALTER. What's her name?
ANNIE. Sally …
WALTER. Sally what?
MILLY. Sally Gibbs.
WALTER. How long has she been here?
MILLY. She's been here about – when did she come?
ANNIE. She came about …
MILLY. Four months about … she's been here …
WALTER. What does she do, for a living?
MILLY. She teaches at a school.
WALTER. A school teacher!
MILLY. Yes.
WALTER. A school teacher! In my room.
Pause.
ANNIE. Wally, you'll like her.
WALTER. She's sleeping in my room!
MILLY. What's the matter with the put-u-up? You can have the put-u-up in here.
WALTER. The put-u-up? She's sleeping in my bed.
ANNIE. She's bought a lovely coverlet, she's put it on.
WALTER. A coverlet? I could go out now, I could pick up a coverlet as good as hers. What are you talking about coverlets for?
MILLY. Walter, don't shout at your aunt, she's deaf.
WALTER. I can't believe it. I come home after nine months in a dungeon.
ANNIE. The money's been a great help.
WALTER. Have I ever left you short of money?
MILLY. Yes!
WALTER. Well … not through my own fault. I've always done my best.
MILLY. And where's it got you?
WALTER. What's this, you reproaching me?
ANNIE. Your aunt's not one to go around reproaching people, Walter.
MILLY. Live and let live, that's my motto.
ANNIE. And mine.
MILLY. It's always been my motto, you ask anyone.
WALTER. Listen, you don't understand. This is my home. I live here. I've lived in that room for years –
ANNIE. On and off.
WALTER. You're asking me to sleep on that put-u-up? The only person who ever slept on that put-u-up was Aunty Gracy. That's why she went to America.
MILLY. She slept in it for five years with Uncle Alf, Grace did. They never had a word of complaint.
WALTER. Uncle Alf! Honest, this has knocked me for … for six. I can't believe it. But I'll tell you one thing about that bed she's sleeping in.
ANNIE. What's the matter with it?
WALTER. There's nothing the matter with it. It's mine, that's all – I bought it.
ANNIE. So he did, Milly.
MILLY. You? I thought I bought it.
ANNIE. That's right. You did. I remember.
WALTER. You bought it, you went out and chose it, but who gave you the money to buy it?
ANNIE. Yes, he's right. He did.
WALTER. I mean … what's happened to my damn things? What's happened to my case? The one I left here?
ANNIE. Well, she didn't mind us leaving your things in the cupboard, did she, Milly?
WALTER. Things? That's my life's work!
Pause.
She'll have to go, that's all.
MILLY. She's not going.
WALTER. Why not?
ANNIE. She's not going to go.
MILLY. I should say not. She's staying.
Pause.
WALTER (with fatigue). Why can't she sleep on the put-u-up?
ANNIE. Put a lovely girl like that on the put-u-up? In the dining-room?
WALTER. She's lovely, is she?
MILLY. You should see the beauty cream on her dressing-table.
WALTER. My dressing-table.
MILLY. I like a girl who looks after herself.
ANNIE. She gives herself a good going over every night.
MILLY. She's never out of the bath. Morning and night. On the nights she goes to night school, she has one before she goes out; other nights she has it just before she goes to bed.
WALTER. Well, she couldn't have it after she's gone to bed, could she?
Pause.
Night school? What kind of night school?
MILLY. She's studying foreign languages there. She's learning to speak two more languages.
ANNIE. Yes, you can smell her up and down the house.
WALTER. Smell her?
ANNIE. Lovely perfumes she puts on.
MILLY. Yes, I'll say that, it's a pleasure to smell her.
WALTER. Is it?
ANNIE. There's nothing wrong with a bit of perfume.
MILLY. We're not narrow-minded over a bit of perfume.
ANNIE. She's up to date, that's all.
MILLY. Up to the latest fashion.
ANNIE. I was, when I was a girl.
MILLY. What about me?
ANNIE. So were you. But you weren't as up to date as I was.
MILLY. I was. I didn't have anything coming over me.
Pause.
WALTER. Does she know where I've been?
ANNIE. Oh, yes.
WALTER. You told her I've been in the nick?
ANNIE. Oh, we told her, yes.
WALTER. Did you tell her why?
MILLY. Oh, no. Oh no, we didn't tell her why.
ANNIE. Oh, no, we didn't discuss that … But I mean it didn't worry her, did it, Milly? I mean she was very interested. Oh, she was terribly interested.
WALTER (slowly). She was, was she?
ANNIE. Yes.
Walter stands abruptly, slamming the table.
WALTER. Where am I going to put my case?
ANNIE. You can put it in the hall.
WALTER. The hall? That means I'll have to keep running out to the hall whenever I want anything.
Pause.
I can't live in these conditions for long. I'm used to something better. I'm used to privacy. I could have her walking in here any time of the day or night. This is the living-room. I don't want to share my meals with a stranger.
ANNIE. She only has bed and breakfast. I take it up to her room.
WALTER. What does she have?
ANNIE. She has a nice piece of bacon with a poached egg, and she enjoys every minute of it.
WALTER. For thirty-five and six a week? They're charging three pounds ten everywhere up and down the country. She's doing you. She's got hot and cold running water, every comfort, breakfast in a first-class bed. She's taking you for a ride.
ANNIE. No, she's not.
Pause.
WALTER. I left something in my room. I'm going to get it.
He goes out and up the stairs. The bathroom door opens and SALLY comes out. She descends the stairs half-way down. They meet.
SALLY. Mr Street?
WALTER. Yes.
SALLY. I'm so pleased to meet you. I've heard so much about you.
WALTER. Oh yes.
Pause.
I … er …
SALLY. Your aunts are charming people.
WALTER. Mmmm.
Pause.
SALLY. Are you glad to be back?
WALTER. I've left something in my room. I've got to get it.
SALLY. Oh, well, we'll meet again. Bye-bye.
She goes to her room. He follows.
The footsteps stop.
WALTER. Could I just …?
SALLY. What?
WALTER. Come in.
SALLY. Come in? But … well, yes … do … if you want to.
They go in. WALTER shuts the door, follows her.
I'm sorry. Everything's all over the place. I'm at school all day. I don't have much time to tidy up.
Pause.
I believe I'm teaching at the school you went to. In the infants.
WALTER. Round the corner? Yes, I went there.
SALLY. You wouldn't believe all the things I've heard about you. You're the apple of your aunts' eyes.
WALTER. So are you.
Pause.
SALLY. I'm happy here. I get on very well with them.
WALTER. Look … I've got to get something in here …
SALLY. In here? I thought you said you'd left something in your room.
WALTER. This is my room.
Pause.
SALLY. This?
WALTER. You've taken my room.
SALLY. Have I? I never … realized that Nobody ever told me that. I'm terribly sorry. Do you want it back?
WALTER. I wouldn't mind.
SALLY. Oh dear … this is very awkward … I must say I'm very comfortable here … I mean, where else could I sleep?
WALTER. There's a put-u-up downstairs.
SALLY. Oh, I don't trust those things, do you? I mean, this is such a lovely bed.
WALTER. I know it is. It's mine.
SALLY. You mean I'm sleeping in your bed?
WALTER. Yes.
SALLY. Oh.
Pause.
WALTER. I've got something in here I want to get.
SALLY. Well … carry on.
WALTER. It's in a rather private place.
SALLY. Do you want me to go out?
WALTER. Yes, if you don't mind.
SALLY. Go out of the room, you mean?
WALTER. It won't take me a minute.
SALLY. What are you looking for?
WALTER. It's a private matter.
SALLY. Is it a gun?
Pause.
Can't I turn my back?
WALTER. Two minutes. That's all I want.
SALLY. All right. Two minutes.
She leaves the room and stands on the landing outside the door. WALTER grunts and mutters to himself.
WALTER. Look at those frills. Frills … all over the place. Bloody dolls' house. My damn room.
SALLY'S VOICE is heard from the landing.
SALLY. Are you finished?
WALTER. Just a minute.
He opens the cupboard and rummages.
(Muttering.) Where's that damn case? Wait a minute … what's this?
Sound of large envelope tearing.
(Softly.) Gaw … huuhh!
SALLY. All right?
WALTER. Yes. Thank you.
SALLY enters the room.
SALLY. Find it?
WALTER. Yes, thank you.
He goes to the door.
What do you teach – ballet?
SALLY. Ballet? No. What a funny question.
WALTER. Not funny. Lots of women teach ballet.
SALLY. I don't dance.
Pause.
WALTER. I'm sorry I disturbed your … evening.
SALLY. That's all right.
WALTER. Good night.
SALLY. Good night.
Fade out.
Fade in.
ANNIE. Have another piece of lemon meringue, Mr Solto.
SOLTO. With pleasure.
ANNIE. You'll like it.
SOLTO. They wanted three hundred and fifty pounds income tax off me the other day. My word of honour. I said to them, you must be mad! What are you trying to do, bring me to an early death? Buy me a cheap spade I'll get up first thing in the morning before breakfast and dig my own grave. Three hundred and fifty-five nicker, eh? I said to them, I said, show me it, I said show me it down in black and white, show me where I've earned – must be round about a thousand pound, you ask me for all that. It's an estimate, they said, we've estimated your earnings. An estimate? Who did your estimate? A blind man with double vision? I'm an old-age pensioner. I'm in receipt of three pound a week, find me something to estimate! What do you say, Walter?
WALTER. They're a lot of villains, the lot of them.
ANNIE. They don't care for the old.
MILLY. Still, you've still got plenty of energy left in you, Mr Solto.
SOLTO. Plenty of what?
MILLY. Energy.
SOLTO. Energy? You should have seen me in the outback, in Australia. I was the man who opened up the Northern Territory for them out there.
MILLY. It's a wonder you never got married, Mr Solto.
SOLTO. I've always been a lone wolf. The first time I was seduced, I said to myself, Solto, watch your step, mind how you go, go so far but no further. If they want to seduce you, let them seduce you, but marry them? Out of the question.
WALTER. Where was that, in Australia or Greece?
SOLTO. Australia.
WALTER. How did you get to Australia from Greece?
SOLTO. By sea. How do you think? I worked my passage. And what a trip. I was only a pubescent. I killed a man with my own hands, a six-foot-ten Lascar from Madagascar.
ANNIE. From Madagascar?
SOLTO. Sure. A Lascar.
MILLY. Alaska?
SOLTO. Madagascar.
Pause.
WALTER. It's happened before.
SOLTO. And it'll happen again.
MILLY. Have another piece of swiss roll, Mr Solto.
ANNIE. I bet you some woman could have made you a good wife.
SOLTO. If I wanted to get married, I could clinch it tomorrow – like that! But I'm like Wally; I'm a lone wolf.
WALTER. How's the scrap business, Mr Solto?
SOLTO. Ssshh! That's the same question the tax inspector asked me. I told him I retired years ago. He says to me, Why don't you fill out your income tax returns? Why don't you fill out all the forms we send you? I said, I got no income tax to declare, that's why. You're the only man in the district who won't fill out his forms, he says, you want to go to prison? Prison, I said, a man like me, a clean-living old man like me, a man who discovered Don Bradman, it's a national disgrace! Fill out your forms, he says, there'll be no trouble. Listen! I said if you want me to fill out these forms, if you want me to go through all that clerical work, all right, pay me a small sum, pay me for my trouble. Pay me to do it. Otherwise fill them out yourself, leave me alone. Three hundred and fifty-five nicker? They got a fat chance.
ANNIE. A good wife wouldn't have done you no harm. She'd fill out your forms – for you.
SOLTO. That's what I'm afraid of.
MILLY. Have a custard tart, Mr Solto.
ANNIE. He's still got a good appetite.
SOLTO. I've been saving it up since I last come here.
WALTER. Why, when were you last here, Mr Solto?
MILLY. It was just after you went inside.
SOLTO. I brought round some daffodils.
ANNIE. Nine months ago, he remembers.
SOLTO. How're they doing?
ANNIE. What?
SOLTO. The daffodils.
ANNIE. Oh, they died.
SOLTO. Go on. (Eats.)
WALTER. So you don't know about the lodger?
SOLTO. Lodger?
WALTER. Yes, we've got a lodger now.
MILLY. She's a school teacher.
SOLTO. A school teacher, eh? Hmm. Where does she sleep? On the put-u-up?
WALTER. My aunts gave her my room.
MILLY. Come on. Annie, help me clear the table.
SOLTO. The lady who first seduced me, in Australia – she kicked her own husband out and gave me his room. I bumped into him years later making a speech at Marble Arch. It wasn't a bad speech, it so happens.
MILLY (stacking plates). Why don't you lend Wally a few pound, Mr Solto?
SOLTO. Me?
ANNIE. Yes, why don't you?
MILLY. You could help to set him up.
SOLTO. Why don't you go to the Prisoners Help Society. They'll give you a loan. I mean, you've done two stretches, you must have a few good references.
WALTER. You wouldn't miss two hundred quid.
SOLTO. Two hundred here, three fifty-five there – what do you think I am, a bank manager?
MILLY. You can't take it with you, Mr Solto.
WALTER. He wants to be the richest man in the cemetery.
ANNIE. It won't do you much good where you're going, Mr Solto.
SOLTO. Who's going anywhere?
MILLY. Come on, Annabel.
ANNIE. There's one rock cake left, Mr Solto.
SOLTO. I'll tell you what, Annie. Keep the rock cake.
MILLY. Annabel.
ANNIE and MILLY go out with plates.
SOLTO. I wish I could give you a helping hand, Wally. Honest. But things are very tight. I had six cross doubles the other day. Three came home. Number four developed rheumatism at the last hurdle. I went without food for two days.
WALTER. I could do with a lift up. I'm thinking of going straight.
SOLTO. Why? You getting tired of a life of crime?
WALTER. I'm not good enough. I get caught too many times. I'm not clever enough.
SOLTO. You're still on the post-office books?
WALTER. Yes.
SOLTO. It's a mug's game. I've told you before. If you want to be a forger you've got to have a gift. It's got to come from the heart.
WALTER. I'm not a good enough forger.
SOLTO. You're a terrible forger.
WALTER. That's why I'm always getting caught.
SOLTO. I'm a better forger than you any day. And I don't forge.
WALTER. I haven't got the gift.
SOLTO. A forger's got to love his work. You don't love your work, that's your trouble, Walter.
WALTER. If you lent me two hundred quid I could go straight.
SOLTO. I'm an old-age pensioner, Wally. What are you talking about?
WALTER. If only I could get my room back! I could get settled in, I could think, about things!
SOLTO. Why, who's this school teacher, then? What's the game?
WALTER (casually). Listen, I want to show you something.
SOLTO. What?
WALTER. This photo.
SOLTO. Who's this?
WALTER. A girl … I want to find.
SOLTO. Who is she?
WALTER. That's what I want to find out.
SOLTO. We were just talking about forging, about your room, about the school teacher. What's this got to do with it?
WALTER. This is a club, isn't it, in the photo?
SOLTO. Sure.
WALTER. And that girl's a hostess, isn't she?
SOLTO. Sure.
WALTER. Can you locate her?
SOLTO. Me?
Pause.
WALTER. Do you know any of these men – these men with her?
SOLTO. O-oh, one of them… looks familiar.
WALTER. Find that girl for me. It's important. As a favour. You're the only man I know who could find her. You know these clubs.
SOLTO. Do you know the girl?
Pause.
WALTER. No.
SOLTO. Well, where'd you get hold of the photo?
WALTER. I got hold of it.
SOLTO. What have you done? Fallen in love with a photo?
WALTER. Sure. That's right.
SOLTO. Yes … A very attractive girl. A lovely girl. All right, Wally. I'll try to find her for you.
WALTER. Thanks.
Front door slams.
Footsteps up the stairs.
SOLTO. Who's that?
WALTER. That's our lodger. The school teacher.
Fade out.
Fade in.
MILLY. I don't want the milk hot, I want it cold.
ANNIE. It is cold.
MILLY. I thought you warmed it up.
ANNIE. I did. The time I got up here it's gone cold.
MILLY. You should have kept it in the pan. If you'd brought it up in the pan it would have still been hot.
ANNIE. I thought you said you didn't want it hot.
MILLY. I don't want it hot.
ANNIE. Well, that's why I'm saying it's cold.
MILLY. I know that. But if I had wanted it hot. That's all I'm saying. (She sips the milk.) It could be colder.
ANNIE. Do you want a piece of anchovy or a doughnut.
MILLY. I'll have the anchovy. What are you going to have?
ANNIE. I'm going downstairs, to have a doughnut.
MILLY. You can have this one.
ANNIE. No, I've got one downstairs. You can have it after the anchovy.
MILLY. Why don't you have the anchovy?
ANNIE. You know what I wouldn't mind? I wouldn't mind a few pilchards.
MILLY. Herring. A nice bit of herring, that's what I could do with.
ANNIE. A few pilchards with a drop of vinegar. And a plate of chocolate mousse to go after it.
MILLY. Chocolate mousse?
ANNIE. Don't you remember when we had chocolate mousse at Clacton?
MILLY. Chocolate mousse wouldn't go with herrings.
ANNIE. I'm not having herrings. I'm having pilchards.
Noise of steps upstairs.
Listen.
ANNIE turns the door-handle, listens.
WALTER knocks on SALLY'S door.
SALLY. Yes?
WALTER. It's me.
SALLY. Just a moment. Come in.
Door opens.
WALTER. How are you?
SALLY. I'm fine.
Door closes.
ANNIE. He's in.
MILLY. What do you mean, he's in?
ANNIE. He's gone in.
MILLLY. Gone in where, Annie?
ANNIE. Into her room.
MILLY. His room.
ANNIE. His room.
MILLY. He's gone in?
ANNIE. Yes.
MILLY. Is she in there?
ANNIE. Yes.
MILLY. So he's in there with her.
ANNIE. Yes.
MILLY. Go out and have a listen.
ANNIE goes out of the door and down the landing to SALLY'S door, where she stops.
We hear the following dialogue from her point of view.
WALTER. Let's have some of this. I've brought it for you.
SALLY. What is it?
WALTER. Brandy.
SALLY. What is this in aid of?
WALTER. Well, I thought we might as well get to know each other, both living in the same house.
SALLY. Yes, why not?
WALTER. Do you drink?
SALLY. Oh, not really.
WALTER. Just one or two now and again, eh?
SALLY. Very occasionally.
WALTER. But you'll have a drop of this?
SALLY. Just a drop … Glasses …
WALTER. I've got them.
SALLY. All prepared, eh?
He opens the bottle and pours.
WALTER. Cheers.
SALLY. Good health.
WALTER. I wanted to say … I was a bit rude yesterday. I wanted to apologize.
SALLY. You weren't rude.
WALTER. It'll just take a bit of getting used to, that's all, you having my room.
SALLY. Well, look, I've been thinking … perhaps we could share the room, in – in a kind of way.
WALTER. Share it?
SALLY. I mean, you could use it when I'm not here, or some thing.
WALTER. Oh, I don't know about that.
SALLY. It'd be quite easy. I'm at school all day.
WALTER. What about the evenings?
SALLY. Well, I'm out three nights a week, you see.
WALTER. Where do you go?
SALLY. Oh, night school. I'm studying languages. Then I usually go on with a girl friend of mine, a history teacher, to listen to some music.
WALTER. What kind of music?
SALLY. Mozart, Brahms. That kind of stuff.
WALTER. Oh, all that kind of stuff.
SALLY. Yes.
Pause.
WALTER. Well, it's cosy in here. Have another one.
SALLY. Oh, I …
WALTER (pouring). Just one.
SALLY. Thanks. Cheers.
Pause.
WALTER. I've never been in this room with a lady before.
SALLY. Oh.
WALTER. The boys used to come here, though. This is where we used to plan our armed robberies.
SALLY. Really?
WALTER. My aunts never told you why I've been inside, have they?
SALLY. No.
WALTER. Well, what it is, you see. I'm a gunman.
SALLY. Oh.
WALTER. Ever met a gunman before?
SALLY. I don't think so.
WALTER. It's not a bad life, all things considered. Plenty of time off. You know, holidays with pay, you could say. No, there's plenty of worse occupations. You're not frightened of me now you know I'm a gunman, are you?
SALLY. No, I think you're charming.
WALTER. Oh, you're right there. That's why I got on so well in prison, you see. Charm. You know what I was doing in there? I was running the prison library. I was the best librarian they ever had. The day I left the Governor gave me a personal send-off. Saw me all the way to the gate. He told me business at the library had shot up out of all recognition since I'd been in charge.
SALLY. What a wonderful compliment
WALTER (pouring more drink). He told me that if I'd consider giving up armed robbery he'd recommend me for a job in the British Museum. Looking after rare manuscripts. You know, writing my opinion of them.
SALLY. I should think that's quite a skilled job.
WALTER. Cheers. Skilled? Well, funny enough, I've had a good bit to do with rare manuscripts in my time. I used to know a bloke who ran a business digging them up.
SALLY. Digging what up?
WALTER. Rare manuscripts. Out of tombs. I used to give him a helping hand when I was on the loose. Very well paid it was, too. You see, they were nearly always attached to a corpse, these manuscripts, you had to lift up the pelvis bone with a pair of tweezers. Big tweezers. Can't leave fingerprints on a corpse, you see. Canon law. The biggest shock I ever had was when a skeleton collapsed on top of me and nearly bit my ear off. I had a funny feeling at that moment. I thought I was the skeleton and he was my long-lost uncle come to kiss me good night. You've never been inside a grave, I suppose. I can recommend it, honest, I mean if you want to taste everything life has to offer.
SALLY. Well, I'll be inside one, one day.
WALTER. Oh, I don't know. You might be cremated, or drowned at sea, mightn't you?
ANNIE creeps back down the landing into the AUNTS' room and gets into bed.
MILLY. Did you listen?
ANNIE. Yes.
MILLY. Well?
ANNIE. I heard them talking.
MILLY. What were they saying?
ANNIE. Don't ask me.
MILLY. Go to the door again. Listen properly.
ANNIE. Why don't you go.
MILLY. I'm in bed.
ANNIE. So am I.
MILLY. But I've been in bed longer than you.
ANNIE mutters and grumbles to herself, gets out of bed and goes back along the landing to the door. The dialogue heard is still from her point of view.
WALTER. You're a Northerner?
SALLY. That's clever of you. I thought I'd …
WALTER. I can tell the accent.
SALLY. I thought I'd lost it …
WALTER. There's something in your eyes too. You only find it in Lancashire girls.
SALLY. Really? What?
WALTER (moving closer). You seem a bit uncomfortable with me. Why's that?
SALLY. I'm not uncomfortable.
WALTER. Why's that, then? You seem a bit uneasy.
SALLY. I'm not.
WALTER. Let's fill you up, eh? I mean you were different yesterday. You were on top of yourself yesterday.
SALLY. It's you who were different. You're different today.
WALTER. You don't want to worry about me being an armed robber. They call me the gentle gunman.
SALLY. I'm not worried.
Pause.
WALTER. My aunties think you're marvellous. I think they've got us in mind for the marriage stakes.
SALLY. What?
WALTER. Yes, I think they think they've found me a wife.
SALLY. How funny.
WALTER. They've roped you in to take part in a wedding. They've forgotten one thing, though.
SALLY. What's that?
WALTER. I'm married. As a matter of fact, I'm married to three women. I'm a triple bigamist. Do you believe me?
SALLY. I think you're in a very strange mood.
WALTER. It's the look in your eyes that's brought it on.
SALLY. You haven't got such bad eyes yourself.
WALTER. Your eyes, they're Northern eyes. They're full of soot.
SALLY. Thank you.
WALTER (pouring). Top it up. Come on.
SALLY. To our eyes.
WALTER. I thought you didn't drink. You can knock it back all right. Keep in practice in school, I suppose. In the milk break. Keeps you in trim for netball Or at that night school, eh? I bet you enjoy yourself there. Come on. Tell me what you get up to at that night school.
ANNIE yawns slightly and pads back to her room. She closes door and gets into bed.
ANNIE. Still talking.
MILLY. What are they talking about? (Sleepily.)
ANNIE. I can't make it out.
MILLY. I should have gone. You're as deaf as a post.
They settle in bed. Squeaks.
ANNIE. The doughnut's given me heartburn. (Faintly.) Good night.
MILLY snores briefly.
Fade into SALLY'S room.
SALLY. I lead a quiet life, a very quiet life, I don't mix with people.
WALTER. Except me. You're mixing with me.
SALLY. I don't have any kind of social life.
WALTER. I'll have to take you round a few of the clubs I know, show you the sights.
SALLY. No, I don't like that
WALTER. What do you like?
Pause.
SALLY. Lying here … by myself…
WALTER. On my bed.
SALLY. Yes.
WALTER. Doing what?
SALLY. Thinking.
WALTER. Think about me last night?
SALLY. You?
WALTER. This offer to share your room, I might consider it.
Pause.
I bet you're thinking about me now.
Pause.
SALLY. Why should I be?
WALTER. I'm thinking about you.
Pause.
I don't know why I made such a fuss about this room. It's just an ordinary room, there's nothing to it. I mean if you weren't here. If you weren't in it, there'd be nothing to it.
Pause.
Why don't you stay in it? It's not true that I'm married. I just said that I'm not attached. To tell you the truth … to tell you the truth, I'm still looking for Miss Right.
SALLY. I think I should move away from here.
WALTER. Where would you go?
Pause.
SALLY. Anywhere.
WALTER. Would you go to the seaside? I could come with you. We could do a bit of fishing … on the pier. Yes, we could go together. Or, on the other hand, we could stay here. We could stay where we are.
SALLY. Could we?
WALTER. Sit down.
SALLY. What?
WALTER. Sit down. (Pause.) Cross your legs.
SALLY. Mmmmm?
WALTER. Cross your legs.
Pause.
Uncross them.
Pause.
Stand up.
Pause.
Turn round.
Pause.
Stop.
Pause.
Sit down.
Pause.
Cross your legs.
Pause.
Uncross your legs.
Silence.
Night-club music.
TULLY. No, I tell you, it must be … wait a minute, must be round about ten years. The last time was when I was down at Richmond.
SOLTO. Yes, the Donkey Club.
TULLY. The Donkey, sure. I left there three years ago.
SOLTO. How long you been here, then? I haven't been down here for about three years.
TULLY. You must have missed me. I come here three years ago, that's exactly when I come here. (Calls.) Charlie!
TULLY clicks his fingers for the WAITER.
SOLTO. It was a real dive before then, I can tell you.
WAITER. Same again, Mr Tully?
TULLY. Same again. Dive – course it was a dive. They asked me to come here and give it – you know – a bit of class, about three years ago. I gave the boot to about a dozen lowlives from the start, you know, I made my position dear.
SOLTO. Didn't they give you no trouble?
TULLY. With me? Listen, they know if they want to start making trouble they picked the right customer. Don't you remember me at Blackheath.
SOLTO. You're going back a bit.
TULLY. I'm going back a few years before the war.
SOLTO. You're going back to when the game was good.
TULLY. What about you at Blackheath?
SOLTO. Blackheath. It's another story when you start talking about Blackheath.
TULLY. Thanks, Charlie. Here you are, Ambrose. Cheers.
Pause.
No, you can see it's not a dive no more. I got the place moving, I mean, we got a band up there – well, I say a band – a piano and a double bass, but they're very good boys, they're good boys. We got a very nice clientele come in here. You know, you get a lot of musicians … er … musicians coming down here. They make up a very nice clientele. Of course, you get a certain amount of business executives. I mean, high-class people. I was talking to a few of them only the other night. They come over from Hampton Court, they come, from Twickenham, from Datchet.
SOLTO. All the way from Datchet?
TULLY. Sure, they get in the car, how long's it taken them? They come here for a bit of relaxation. I mean, we got a two-o'clock licence. We got three resident birds. What made you come down here all of a sudden?
SOLTO. Ah, just one of them funny things, Cyril. I heard of a little bird.
TULLY. What, one of the birds here?
SOLTO. Still sharp, eh, Cyril?
TULLY. You heard about the quality we got here, eh? We got some high-class dolls down here, don't worry. They come all the way from finishing school.
Fade out.
Fade in: girls' dressing-room.
BARBARA. What did he say then?
SALLY. Come over with me one Sunday, he says, come over and have Sunday dinner, meet the wife. Why, I said, what are you going to introduce me as, your sister? No, he says; she's very broad-minded, my wife; she'll be delighted to meet you.
MAVIS. Oh yes, I've heard of that kind of thing before.
SALLY. Yes, that's what I said. Oh yes, I said, I've heard of that kind of thing before. Go on, get off out of it, I said, buzz off before I call a copper.
BARBARA. Which was he, the one with the big nose?
SALLY. Yes.
MANAGER. Come on, girls, move yourselves, we're ready for the off.
BARBARA. Who asked you to come into the ladies' room?
MANAGER. Don't give me no lip. Get your skates on. (To SALLY.) Cyril wants you at his table right away.
SALLY. I'll kick him in the middle of his paraphernalia one of these days.
BARBARA. Go on, what happened then?
SALLY. Why don't you come on the river with me one of these days? he says. I'll take you for a ride in a punt.
MAVIS. In a what?
BARBARA. A punt.
MAVIS. What's a punt?
SALLY. I said to him, In a punt, with you? You must be mad. You won't get me in no punt.
BARBARA. I thought you said he attracted you.
SALLY. Oh, he did to start off, that's all. I thought he wasn't bad. But, you know, he came from Australia. He'd got a lot of Australian habits, they didn't go down very well with me.
MANAGER. Come on, come on, I don't want to tell you again. Where do you think you are, on Brighton front? (To SALLY.) Cyril wants you at his table.
SALLY. I'll cut his ears off one of these days.
She goes into the club.
SOLTO. So I thought to myself Tully, Big Johnny Bolsom. She must be all right.
TULLY. Sure she's all right.
SOLTO. So I thought I'd follow it up.
TULLY. You couldn't have done better. Here she is, here she is, come on, darling. This is an old friend of mine, Ambrose Solto.
SOLTO. How do you do?
SALLY. How do you do?
TULLY. Sit down, Ambrose. I want you to meet this girl, Ambrose. This is the cleverest girl we got here. She speaks three languages.
SOLTO. What languages?
TULLY. Tell him.
SALLY. Well, English for a start.
SOLTO. She's witty, too eh?
TULLY. Witty? She's my favourite girl.
SALLY. Oh, I'm not
SOLTO. Aren't you going to tell me your name?
SALLY. Katina.
SOLTO. Katina. What a coincidence! My childhood sweetheart was called Katina.
TULLY. No. Go on!
SALLY. Really, Mr Solto?
SOLTO. Yes, when I was a little boy, when I was a little boy in Athens. That's when it was.
Fade out.
Fade in.
WALTER. I just took the train down to Southend, that's all.
ANNIE. Southend? What for?
WALTER. I felt like having a look at the seaside. It wasn't bad down there. I rolled around, that's all. Smelt the old sea, that's all.
Pause.
ANNIE. You've got a secret.
WALTER. Have I?
ANNIE. Oh, come on, Wally, what do you think of her? She's nice, isn't she?
WALTER. Who, the girl upstairs? Yes, she's a very nice girl.
ANNIE. You like her, eh?
WALTER. Who?
ANNIE. Don't you?
WALTER. What, the one that lives upstairs, eh?
ANNIE. All larking aside.
WALTER. Well … all larking aside … without any larking … I'd say she was all right.
ANNIE. You didn't like her, though, the first going off, did you?
WALTER. Ah well, the first going off … ain't anything like … the second going off, is it? What I mean to say … is that the second going off … often turns out to be very different … from what you thought it was going to be … on the first going off. If you see what I'm saying.
ANNIE. Hasn't she made the room lovely, eh?
WALTER. Very snazzy.
ANNIE. She's made it really feminine, hasn't she?
WALTER. Oh … without a shadow of doubt.
ANNIE. She should be in soon. She should be due home from night school in about half an hour.
Fade out and in: Night club.
SOLTO. What do you think of that?
SALLY. No, you've got real rhythm. Mr Solto, it's a pleasure.
SOLTO. I've always had rhythm. Take it from me. I was born with rhythm. My big toe can dance a polka by himself. My word of honour. My sweetheart and me, we used to dance by the sea at night, with the waves coming in. You ever done that?
SALLY. No. Never. Let's have a drink.
TULLY. How you getting on, you two?
SOLTO. Marvellous.
SALLY. Lovely.
SOLTO. See us on the floor?
TULLY. What were you doing on the floor?
SALLY. Dancing!
SOLTO. You should have seen him at Blackheath. Go on, off you go, Cyril, we're talking about philosophy here.
TULLY. Mind how you go.
He goes.
SOLTO and SALLY go to the table and sit.
SOLTO. I was going to say something to you.
SALLY. What?
SOLTO. I own a private beach. On the South Coast. It's all my own. A little beach hut. Well, not so little. It's big. It's not a hut either. It's a bit bigger than a hut. It's got Indian carpets, it's got the front side full of windows looking out to the sea, it's got central heating, and the waves … the waves come right up to the front step. You can lie on a divan and watch them come closer and closer. How would you like to lie there in the moonlight, eh, and watch the waves come closer and closer?
SALLY. Sounds … very nice.
SOLTO. Nest week-end we'll go down, eh.
SALLY. Well, I …
SOLTO. No excuses! I'll barbecue a boar on the beach, my word of honour.
SALLY. Where you going to get the boar?
SOLTO. Specially from France – where else? listen. You want to know a little secret? I came down here specifically to look for you.
SALLY. What do you mean?
SOLTO. I got hold of this photo of you, see? So I got hold of the photographer. He told me what club it was, and here I am.
SALLY. Where'd you get the photo?
SOLTO. That I'm not supposed to tell you. You see, what I was doing, I was looking for you for a pal of mine.
SALLY. A pal? … Who?
SOLTO. Don't worry about it. I'm not going to tell him where he can find you. No. I wouldn't let a man like that get hold of a lovely girl like you.
SALLY. What's his name?
SOLTO. He's a man called Wally. Wally Street. He's always in and out of the nick. He's a forger, a petty thief, does post-office books. You know him?
SALLY. No.
SOLTO. Funny … I don't know what he … anyway, forget all about it. But I'll give him his due. If it wasn't for him showing me this photo, where would I be, eh. And where would you be.
SALLY. Yes. Where would I be?
Fade out and in.
A knock at the front door.
WALTER goes through the hall door.
SOLTO. Hullo, Wally, I'll come in a minute. I've got a cab outside.
They go into the room.
WALTER. What's up? Have you found the girl?
SOLTO. The girl? What girl?
WALTER. The girl. That photo I gave you. You know.
SOLTO. Oh, the girl! You mean the girl I was trying to …
WALTER. Yes, I thought that might be why you've come round.
SOLTO. You're dead right. That's exactly why I've come round.
WALTER. That's what I thought.
SOLTO. And you weren't wrong.
Pause.
WALTER. Well. Where is she?
SOLTO. That's what I wanted to tell you. I can't find her.
WALTER. You can't find her?
SOLTO. Not a smell. That's exactly what I came round to tell you.
WALTER. Not a smell, eh.
SOLTO. Not a whiff.
WALTER. I thought you were on her track.
SOLTO. There's no track. I been everywhere. The Madrigal. The Whip Room. The Gamut. Pedros. Nobody knew the face. Wait a minute – Pedro said he might have seen her once round a few back doubles in Madrid. She been to Madrid?
WALTER. How would I know? I've never met her.
SOLTO. I thought you had.
WALTER. Didn't you locate that club?
SOLTO. What club?
WALTER. In the photo.
SOLTO. No. What I thought, the best thing to do would be to get hold of the photographer, you see. So I paid him a call.
WALTER. What did he say?
SOLTO. He wasn't there. He'd gone to Canada for a conference.
WALTER. What kind of conference?
SOLTO. A dental conference. He's going to be a dentist.
WALTER. Why'd he give up photography?
SOLTO. He had a change of heart. You know how it is. He gave me a cup of coffee, told me his life story.
WALTER. Who did?
SOLTO. His brother. The chiropodist. He's in dead trouble that boy, he can't meet his overheads.
WALTER. Look here, Mr Solto, if I were you, I'd give up the whole thing.
SOLTO. You want my opinion? I think the photo's a fake. There's no such club. There's no girl. They don't exist.
WALTER. That's exactly what I think.
Pause.
SOLTO. You do?
WALTER. Exactly.
SOLTO. Who knows? You might be right.
WALTER. That photo. It's a fake. You'll never find her.
SOLTO. How can it be a fake? I thought you knew her.
WALTER. I never said I knew her. I've never met her.
SOLTO. But that's what I'm saying. There's no one to know. You've never seen her. I've never seen her. There's no one to see.
WALTER. She doesn't exist.
Pause.
SOLTO. All the same look, the girl's there. That's the photo of someone.
WALTER. No one I know.
Pause.
SOLTO. Take my tip, Wally, wipe the whole business from your head, wipe it clean out of your mind.
WALTER. That's what I think you'd better do, Mr Solto.
Front door. Footsteps.
SOLTO. What's that?
WALTER. That's the school teacher.
SOLTO. That's your mark. Someone with an education. She keeps nice hours for a school teacher. Where's she been, night school?
Fade out and in to footsteps on stairs.
Knock on the door.
WALTER. Are you there?
He tries the door. It is locked.
Are you in there? I want to speak to you. Let me in a minute. Will you let me in a minute? What's up with you? What the hell's up with you? Let me in. I want to speak to you.
Silence.
ANNIE. She's gone.
MILLY. Gone?
ANNIE. Here's a note.
MILLY. Where's she gone?
ANNIE. She left a note.
MILLY. What does it say?
ANNIE. Dear Misses Billet. I'm very sorry, but an urgent matter has called me away suddenly. I don't know when I'll be back, so I thought I better take everything. I didn't want to wake you up. Thank you. Good-bye. I'm going to tell Wally.
ANNIE'S footsteps into the front room.
Wally. Wake up.
Pause.
She's gone away.
WALTER. Who?
ANNIE. She left a note. Look.
Pause while he reads.
WALTER. Yes, well … she … obviously had to go away.
Pause.
ANNIE. You didn't have any arguments with her, did you, Wally?
WALTER. No.
ANNIE. You didn't see her last night after she came back from night school?
WALTER. No.
MILLY enters.
MILLY. I just found this photo in her room.
ANNIE. Ah. Doesn't she look lovely holding that netball?
MILLY. With all the schoolgirls.
ANNIE. I never knew she was the games mistress. She never told us.
Pause.
MILLY. It looks as though she's gone for good.
Pause.
WALTER. Yes.
Pause.
That's what it looks like.
Fade.
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