You're not alone. "Many older people have smaller social spheres than they used to have," says Laura L. Carstensen, Ph.D., founding director of the Stanford Center on Longevity. And that can spell trouble, because a mountain of studies tell us that staying socially engaged helps keeps mind and body healthy and stimulates the brain in areas critical to learning and memory.
"Social engagement is cognitive candy," says molecular biologist John Medina, Ph.D., director of the Brain Center for Applied Learning Research at Seattle Pacific University. "People who are socially engaged are happier, less lonely and their brains show less buildup of the amyloid plaques that signal Alzheimer's." They also have less stress, a slower rate of memory decline, a stronger immune system and are less likely to get dementia than those who rarely spend time with others.
"Feeling socially isolated can be as toxic to healthy brains and bodies as smoking-doubling your risk of early death," says Carstensen. But how exactly do you reboot an aging social network? These nine ideas will get you going.
Rx No. 1: Get out there.
Friendships don't just happen; you have to work at finding new ones and strengthening the ones you have. So, while you're waiting in line at the grocery store, be brave and ask the person next to you if she's enjoying the magazine she's leafing through. You never know where the conversation may lead. Or start a Sunday night tradition: Invite people over for a potluck dinner and ask each guest to bring one other person.
Rx No. 2: Shift your expectations.
You don't have to be a social butterfly with half the world on speed dial to reap the benefits of social engagement. "A few close relationships is just fine," says Carstensen. "It's not the number, but rather the richness and depth of relationships that counts."
Rx No. 3: Just say yes.
If someone invites you for tea, lunch or the ballet, go-even if you don't know an arabesque from an assemblé. The more you put yourself out there, the more people you'll meet. It is not a lifetime commitment, just a fun outing.
Rx No. 4: Volunteer to help others.
Any time you reach out to others you help yourself, too. According to a study from Rush Alzheimer's Disease Center, doing something that energizes you, motivates you and gives meaning to your life staves off cognitive decline and boosts immune system functioning, even among those who have already developed plaque buildup in the brain. Programs such as Experience Corps, sponsored in part by AARP, train seniors to tutor inner city kids in 20 cities across the country. (Find them at experiencecorps.org; 202-434-6400.) Encore.org (415-430-0141) offers a road map to paid as well as volunteer opportunities such as teaching business skills to low-income people or planting community gardens.
Rx No. 5: Think local.
Community activities give you a chance to meet a diverse group of people who live nearby. Check newspaper listings and bulletin boards for nearby events and drop by that gallery opening or book reading. Most likely your public library or senior center has a book club or lecture series on several topics. If you attend and enjoy chatting with someone, jot down his or her email or phone number so you can stay in touch.
Rx No. 6: Learn something new.
When you do something that sparks your interest, chances are you'll meet people who share a similar curiosity. See them every week and new friendships are born. So sign up for those cooking classes or the jewelry-making workshop you've been saying for years you were going to take but never actually found the time to do. Add physical activity to the mix-yoga, ballroom dancing, Zumba-and you'll give your brain health an even bigger boost.
Rx No. 7: Join social media sites.
Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter and other social media sites offer the chance to reconnect with old friends and reinforce ties to new ones. Terrified of technology? Recruit a child, grandchild or young neighbor to show you how to navigate online, or check out SeniorNet, a national nonprofit that offers workshops on the basics of computer use and Internet safety. When you're online, check out meetup.com, which links like-minded people on just about every topic or interest you may have.
Rx No. 8: Consider a move.
Many of us want to grow old in the same place we've always lived. But for some, a move to another community-perhaps one for active adults or one with shops, restaurants and public transportation within easy walking distance-is an invigorating option. Don't forget college towns, where you can take advantage of classes, lectures, sports and arts events on campus.
Rx No. 9: Get on the road.
For most travelers, spending time with other people is as important as the destination, and dozens of tour companies now cater to older adults. Elder Treks runs adventure trips for 50-plus adults to just about every country on every continent. Road Scholar (formerly Elderhostel) organizes one-, two-and three-week educational excursions around the world, with local experts offering classes and insights. Also, many colleges have active alumni associations that sponsor trips (and meet regularly and hold fundraising events). When was the last time you checked in with yours? For more travel ideas, see AARP's Single Woman's Guide to Retirement at AARP.org/retirementguide or local and online bookstores. The author's suggestions apply to men as well as women.
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