LADY ELIZABETH
Claude, what are you doing?
SIR CLAUDE
Settling the places.
It's important, when you have a difficult meeting,
To decide on the seating arrangements beforehand.
I don't think you and I should be near together.
Will you sit there, beside the desk?
LADY ELIZABETH
On the other side, with the light behind me:
But won't you be sitting at the desk yourself?
SIR CLAUDE
No, that would look too formal. I thought it would be better
To put Eggerson there, behind the desk.
You see, I want him to be a sort of chairman.
LADY ELIZABETH
That's a good idea.
SIR CLAUDE
On the other hand,
We mustn't look like a couple of barristers
Ready to cross-examine a witness.
It's very awkward. We don't want to start
By offending Mrs. Guzzard. That's why I thought
That Eggerson should put the first questions.
He's very good at approaching a subject
In a roundabout way. But where shall we place her?
LADY ELIZABETH
Over there, with the light full on her:
I want to be able to watch her expression.
SIR CLAUDE
But not in this chair! She must have an armchair …
LADY ELIZABETH
Not such a low one. Leave that in the corner
For Colby. He won't want to be conspicuous,
Poor boy!
SIR CLAUDE
After all, it was he who insisted
On this … investigation. But perhaps you're right.
LADY ELIZABETH
Claude, I've been thinking things over and over —
All through the night. I hardly slept at all.
I wish that Colby, somehow, might prove to be your son
Instead of mine. Really, I do!
It would be so much fairer. If he is mine —
As I'm sure he is — then you never had a son;
While, if he were yours … he could still take the place
Of my son: and so he could be our son.
Oh dear, what do I want? I should like him to be mine,
But for you to believe that he is yours!
So I hope Mrs. Guzzard will say he is your son
And I needn't believe her. I don't believe in facts.
You do. That is the difference between us.
SIR CLAUDE
I'm not so sure of that. I've tried to believe in facts;
And I've always acted as if I believed in them.
I thought it was facts that my father believed in;
I thought that what he cared for was power and wealth;
And I came to see that what I had interpreted
In this way, was something else to him —
An idea, an inspiration. What he wanted to transmit to me
Was that idea, that inspiration,
Which to him was life. To me, it was a burden.
You can't communicate an inspiration,
Like that, by force of will. He was a great financier —
And I am merely a successful one.
I might have been truer to my father's inspiration
If I had done what I wanted to do.
LADY ELIZABETH
You've never talked like this to me before!
Why haven't you? I don't suppose I understand
And I know you don't think I understand anything,
And perhaps I don't. But I wish you would talk
Sometimes to me as if I did understand,
And perhaps I might come to understand better.
What did you want to do?
SIR CLAUDE
To be a potter.
Don't laugh.
LADY ELIZABETH
I'm not laughing. I was only thinking
How strange to have lived with you, all these years,
And now you tell me, you'd have liked to be a potter!
You really mean, to make jugs and jars
Like those in your collection?
SIR CLAUDE
That's what I mean.
LADY ELIZABETH
But I should have loved you to be a potter!
Why have you never told me?
SIR CLAUDE
I didn't think
That you would be interested. More than that.
I took it for granted that what you wanted
Was a husband of importance. I thought you would despise me
If you knew what I'd really wanted to be.
LADY ELIZABETH
And I took it for granted that you were not interested
In anything but financial affairs;
And that you needed me chiefly as a hostess.
It's a great mistake, I do believe,
For married people to take anything for granted.
SIR CLAUDE
That was a very intelligent remark.
Perhaps I have taken too much for granted
About you, Elizabeth. What did you want?
LADY ELIZABETH
To inspire an artist. Don't laugh.
SIR CLAUDE
I'm not laughing.
So what you wanted was to inspire an artist!
LADY ELIZABETH
Or to inspire a poet. I thought Tony was a poet.
Because he wrote me poems. And he was so beautiful.
I know now that poets don't look like poets:
And financiers, it seems, don't look like potters —
Is that what I mean? I'm getting confused.
I thought I was escaping from a world that I loathed
In Tony — and then, too late, I discovered
He belonged to the world I wanted to escape from.
He was so commonplace! I wanted to forget him,
And so, I suppose, I wanted to forget
Colby. But Colby is an artist.
SIR CLAUDE
A musician.
I am a disappointed craftsman,
And Colby is a disappointed composer.
I should have been a second-rate potter,
And he would have been a second-rate organist.
We have both chosen … obedience to the facts.
LADY ELIZABETH
I believe that was what I was trying to do.
It's very strange, Claude, but this is the first time
I have talked to you, without feeling very stupid.
You always made me feel that I wasn't worth talking to.
SIR CLAUDE
And you always made me feel that your interests
Were much too deep for discussion with me:
Health cures. And modern art — so long as it was modern
And dervish dancing.
LADY ELIZABETH
Dervish dancing!
Really, Claude, how absurd you are!
Not that there isn't a lot to be learnt,
I don't doubt, from the dervish rituals.
But it doesn't matter what Mrs. Guzzard tells us,
If it satisfies Colby. Whatever happens
He shall be our son.
[A knock on the door. Enter EGGERSON]
SIR CLAUDE
Good morning, Eggerson.
EGGERSON
Good morning, Sir Claude. And Lady
Elizabeth!
SIR CLAUDE
I'm sorry, Eggerson, to bring you up to London
At such short notice.
EGGERSON
Don't say that, Sir Claude.
It's true, I haven't much nowadays to bring me;
But Mrs. E. wishes I'd come up oftener!
Isn't that like the ladies! She used to complain
At my being up in London five or six days a week:
But now she says: 'You're becoming such a countryman!
You're losing touch with public affairs.'
The fact is, she misses the contact with London,
Though she doesn't admit it. She misses my news
When I came home in the evening. And the late editions
Of the papers that I picked up at Liverpool Street.
But I've so much to do, in Joshua Park —
Apart from the garden — that I've not an idle moment.
And really, now, I'm quite lost in London.
Every time I come, I notice the traffic
Has got so much worse.
SIR CLAUDE
Yes, it's always getting worse.
LADY ELIZABETH
— I hope Mrs. Eggerson is well?
EGGERSON
Pretty well.
She's always low-spirited, around this season,
When we're getting near the anniversary.
SIR CLAUDE
The anniversary? Of your son's death?
EGGERSON
Of the day we got the news. We don't often speak of it;
Yet I know what's on her mind, for days beforehand.
But here I am, talking about ourselves!
And we've more important business, I imagine.
SIR CLAUDE
Eggerson, I'm expecting Mrs. Guzzard.
EGGERSON
Indeed! Mrs. Guzzard! And why are we expecting her?
SIR CLAUDE
I have asked her to come. Lady Elizabeth
Is sure that she knows the name of Mrs. Guzzard.
LADY ELIZABETH
Mrs. Guzzard, of Teddington.
EGGERSON
Ah, indeed!
I shouldn't have expected her name to be known to you.
SIR CLAUDE
She'd been questioning Colby about himself,
And he mentioned the name of his aunt, Mrs. Guzzard.
Now she's convinced that Mrs. Guzzard
Of Teddington is the name of the person
To whom her own child was entrusted.
EGGERSON
What an amazing coincidence!
SIR CLAUDE
That's what it is,
Unless she is mistaken …
LADY ELIZABETH
Now, Claude!
SIR CLAUDE
And she came to the conclusion that her child must be Colby,
So I told her the truth. But she cannot believe it.
LADY ELIZABETH
Claude, that's not quite right. Let me explain.
I am convinced that Sir Claude is mistaken,
Or has been deceived, and that Colby is my son.
I feel sure he is. But I don't want to know:
I am perfectly content to leave things as they are,
So that we may regard him as our son.
SIR CLAUDE
That is perfectly correct. It is Colby
Who is not satisfied with that solution.
He insists upon the facts. And that is why
I have asked Mrs. Guzzard here. She doesn't know that.
EGGERSON
A natural line for Mr. Simpkins to take,
If I may say so. Of course, we might discover
Another Mrs. Guzzard …
LADY ELIZABETH
Two Mrs. Guzzards?
EGGERSON
I agree, it is a most uncommon name,
But stranger things have happened.
LADY ELIZABETH
And both in Teddington
EGGERSON
I agree, that would be most surprising.
And at the same address
LADY ELIZABETH
I don't know the address.
Mrs. Guzzard of Teddington, that's all I know,
And that I could swear to.
EGGERSON
It does seem unlikely
That there should be two Mrs. Guzzards in Teddington.
But assuming, for the moment, only one Mrs. Guzzard,
Could there not have been two babies?
LADY ELIZABETH
Two babies, Eggerson?
EGGERSON
I was only suggesting
That perhaps Mrs. Guzzard made a profession
Of … looking after other people's children?
In a manner of speaking, it's perfectly respectable.
SIR CLAUDE
You're suggesting that she ran a baby farm.
That's most unlikely, nowadays.
Besides, I should have noticed it. I visited her house
Often. I never saw more than one baby.
EGGERSON
She might have taken in another one
As a temporary accommodation —
On suitable terms. But if she did that,
We must enquire what became of the other one.
SIR CLAUDE
But this baby was Colby.
LADY ELIZABETH
Of course it was Colby.
SIR CLAUDE
But Eggerson, you really can't ask me to believe
That she took two babies, and got them mixed.
LADY ELIZABETH
That seems to be what happened. And now we must find out
What became of your child, Claude.
SIR CLAUDE
What became of my
child!
The mother of my child was Mrs. Guzzard's sister.
She wouldn't dispose of him. It's your child, Elizabeth,
Whom we must try to trace.
EGGERSON
If there was another child
Then we must try to trace it. Certainly, Sir Claude:
Our first step must be to question Mrs. Guzzard.
SIR CLAUDE
And that's what we are here for. She will be here shortly.
And when she arrives I will summon Colby.
I wanted you here first, to explain the situation:
And I thought I would like you to conduct the proceedings.
Will you sit at the desk?
EGGERSON
If you wish, Sir Claude.
I do feel more at ease when I'm behind a desk:
It's second nature.
SIR CLAUDE
And put the case to her.
Don't let her think that I have any doubts:
You are putting the questions on behalf of my wife.
EGGERSON
I understand, Sir Claude: I understand completely.
[A knock on the door]
SIR CLAUDE
Good Lord, she's here already! Well … Come in!
[Enter LUCASTA]
LUCASTA
Is this a meeting? I came to speak to Colby.
I'm sorry.
SIR CLAUDE
Colby will be here.
But you're not involved in this meeting, Lucasta.
Won't it do another time?
LUCASTA
I came to apologise
To Colby. No matter. It'll do another time.
Oh, I'm glad you're here, Eggy! You're such a support.
In any case, I've an announcement to make,
And I might as well make it now. If you'll listen.
SIR CLAUDE
Of course I'll listen. But we haven't much time.
LUCASTA
It won't take much time. I'm going to marry B.
SIR CLAUDE
To marry B.! But I thought that was all settled.
LUCASTA
Yes, of course, Claude. You thought everything settled.
That was just the trouble. You made it so obvious
That this would be the ideal solution
From your point of view. To get me off your hands.
Oh, I know what a nuisance you've always found me!
And I haven't made it easier. I didn't try to.
And knowing that you wanted me to marry B.
Made me determined that I wouldn't. Just to spite you,
I dare say. That was why I took an interest
In Colby. Because you thought he was too good for me.
SIR CLAUDE
In Colby!
LUCASTA
Why not? That's perfectly natural.
But I'm grateful to Colby. But for Colby
I'd never have come to appreciate B.
SIR CLAUDE
But Colby! Lucasta, if I'd suspected this
I would have explained. Colby is your brother.
EGGERSON
Half-brother, Miss Angel.
SIR CLAUDE
Yes, half-brother.
LUCASTA
What do you mean?
SIR CLAUDE
Colby is my son.
LADY ELIZABETH
That is what Sir Claude believes. Claude, let me explain.
SIR CLAUDE
No, I'll explain. There's been some misunderstanding.
My wife believes that Colby is her son.
That is the reason for this meeting today.
We're awaiting Mrs. Guzzard — Colby's aunt.
LUCASTA
Colby's aunt? You make my brain reel.
SIR CLAUDE
I ought to have made things clear to you
At the time when he came here. But I didn't trust you
To keep a secret. There were reasons for that
Which no longer exist. But I ought to have told you.
LUCASTA
Well, I don't understand. What I do understand
Is Colby's behaviour. If he knew it.
SIR CLAUDE
He knew it.
LUCASTA
Why didn't he tell me? Perhaps he was about to.
Anyway, I knew there had been some mistake.
You don't know at all what I'm talking about!
But if he knew that he was your son
He must have been staggered when I said I was your daughter!
I came to thank him for the shock he'd given me.
He made me see what I really wanted.
B. makes me feel safe. And that's what I want.
And somehow or other, I've something to give him —
Something that he needs. Colby doesn't need me,
He doesn't need anyone. He's fascinating,
But he's undependable. He has his own world,
And he might vanish into it at any moment —
At just the moment when you needed him most!
And he doesn't depend upon other people, either.
B. needs me. He's been hurt by life, just as I have,
And we can help each other. Oh, I know you think of him
Simply as a business man. As you thought of me
Simply as a nuisance. We're suited to each other:
You thought so too, Claude, but for the wrong reasons,
And that put me off. So I'm grateful to Colby.
SIR CLAUDE
I don't know what's happened, but nevertheless
I'm sure that you have made the right decision.
LUCASTA
But the reasons why you think so are the wrong ones.
LADY ELIZABETH
And I'm sure too, Lucasta, you have made a wise decision.
LUCASTA
And I know very well why you think so:
You think we're suited because we're both common.
B. knows you think him common. And so he pretends
To be very common, because he knows you think so.
You gave us our parts. And we've shown that we can play them.
LADY ELIZABETH
I don't think you ought to say that, Lucasta;
I have always been a person of liberal views —
That's why I never got on with my family.
LUCASTA
Well, I'm not a person of liberal views.
I'm very conventional. And I'm not ashamed of it.
SIR CLAUDE
Perhaps you are right. I'm not sure of anything.
Perhaps, as you say, I've misunderstood B.,
And I've never thought that I understood you;
And I certainly fail to understand Colby.
LADY ELIZABETH
But you and I, Claude, can understand each other,
No matter how late. And perhaps that will help us
To understand other people. I hope so.
Lucasta, I regard you as a … step-daughter;
And shall be happy to accept Mr. Kaghan as a son-in-law.
LUCASTA
Thank you. I'm sure he'll appreciate that.
But that reminds me. He's waiting downstairs.
I don't suppose you want us at your meeting.
EGGERSON
Allow me. May I make a suggestion?
Though first of all I must take the occasion
To wish Miss Angel every happiness.
And I'm sure she will be happy. Mr. Kaghan
Is one of the most promising young men in the City,
And he has a heart of gold. So have you, Miss Angel.
We have this very important interview,
But I'm sure that we want to greet the happy pair.
It's all in the family. Why not let them wait downstairs
And come back after Mrs. Guzzard has left?
SIR CLAUDE
That's not a bad idea. If Colby agrees.
LUCASTA
I trust you, Eggy. And I want to make my peace with him.
SIR CLAUDE
We'll get him now.
[reaches for the telephone]
[A knock. Enter COLBY]
COLBY
Have I come too soon?
I'm afraid I got impatient of waiting.
LUCASTA
Colby! I've not come to interrupt your meeting.
I've been told what it's about. But I did come to see you.
I came to apologise for my behaviour
The other afternoon.
COLBY
Apologise?
SIR CLAUDE
I've told her.
COLBY
But why should you apologise?
LUCASTA
Oh, because I knew
That I must have misunderstood your reaction.
It wouldn't have been like you — the way I thought it was.
You're much too … detached, ever to be shocked
In the way I thought you were. I was ashamed
Of what I was telling you, and so I was expecting
What I thought I got. But I couldn't believe it!
It isn't like you, to despise people:
You don't care enough.
COLBY
I don't care enough?
LUCASTA
No. You're either above caring,
Or else you're insensible — I don't mean insensitive!
But you're terribly cold. Or else you've some fire
To warm you, that isn't the same kind of fire
That warms other people. You're either an egotist
Or something so different from the rest of us
That we can't judge you. That's you, Colby.
COLBY
That's me, is it? I simply don't know.
Perhaps you know me better than I know myself.
But now you know what I am …
LUCASTA
Who you are,
In the sense I've been told that you're my brother;
Which makes it more difficult to know what you are.
It may be there's no one so hard to understand
As one's brother …
COLBY
Or sister …
LUCASTA
What's so difficult
Is to recognise the limits of one's understanding.
It may be that understanding, as a brother and a sister,
Will come, in time. Perhaps, one day
We may understand each other. And accept the fact
That we're not necessary to each other
In the way we might have been. But a different way
That reveals itself in time. And perhaps — who knows? —
We might become more necessary to each other,
As a brother and a sister, than we could have been
In any other form of relationship.
COLBY
I want you to be happy.
LUCASTA
I shall be happy,
If you will accept me as a sister
For the happiness that relationship may bring us
In twenty or thirty or forty years' time.
I shall be happy. I'm going to marry B.
I know you like B.
COLBY
I'm very fond of him;
And I'm glad to think he'll be my brother-in-law.
I shall need you, both of you, Lucasta!
LUCASTA
We'll mean something to you. But you don't need anybody.
EGGERSON
And now may I interrupt, Miss Angel?
Why shouldn't you and Mr. Kaghan wait downstairs
And rejoin us when this interview is over?
I'm sure Mr. Simpkins will concur in this proposal.
COLBY
Of course I'd like them … Can't B. come up now?
EGGERSON
Better wait till afterwards.
SIR CLAUDE
Quite right, Eggerson.
LUCASTA
Good-bye, Colby.
COLBY
Why do you say good-bye?
LUCASTA
Good-bye to Colby as Lucasta knew him,
And good-bye to the Lucasta whom Colby knew.
We've changed since then: as you said, we're always changing.
When I come back, we'll be brother and sister —
Or so I hope. Yes, in any event,
Good-bye, Colby.
[Exit LUCASTA]
COLBY
Good-bye then, Lucasta.
EGGERSON
And now, how soon are we expecting Mrs. Guzzard?
SIR CLAUDE
[looking at his watch]
She ought to be here now! It's surprising,
I hadn't been aware how the time was passing,
What with Lucasta's unexpected visit.
She ought to be here. It wouldn't be like her
To be late for an appointment. She always mentioned it
If I was late when I went to see her.
[Enter LUCASTA]
LUCASTA
I'm sorry to come back. It's an anti-climax.
But there seems to be nobody to answer the door.
I've just let someone in. It's the Mrs. Guzzard
Whom you are expecting. She looks rather formidable.
SIR CLAUDE
It's Parkman's day off. But where's the parlourmaid?
LUCASTA
I thought I heard someone singing in the pantry.
LADY ELIZABETH
Oh, I forgot. It's Gertrude's quiet hour.
I've been giving her lessons in recollection.
But she shouldn't be singing.
LUCASTA
Well, what shall I do?
EGGERSON
Let me go down and explain to Mrs. Guzzard
and then bring her up.
SIR CLAUDE
No, I want you here, Eggerson.
Will you show her up, Lucasta?
LUCASTA
I'll make B. do it.
[Exit LUCASTA]
SIR CLAUDE
I wish you could arrange the servants' time-table better.
This is a most unfortunate beginning.
LADY ELIZABETH
She's been making progress, under my direction;
But she shouldn't have been singing.
SIR CLAUDE
Well, are we ready?
[A quiet knock. Enter KAGHAN, escorting MRS. GUZZARD. Exit KAGHAN]
Good morning, Mrs. Guzzard. I must apologise:
I'm afraid there has been some domestic incompetence.
You should have been announced.
MRS. GUZZARD
I believe I was punctual.
But I didn't mind waiting in the least, Sir Claude.
I know that you are always much engaged.
SIR CLAUDE
First, let me introduce you to my wife.
Lady Elizabeth Mulhammer.
LADY ELIZABETH
Good morning, Mrs. Guzzard.
You don't know me, but I know about you:
We have more in common than you are aware of.
MRS. GUZZARD
I suppose you mean Colby?
LADY ELIZABETH
Yes. To do with Colby.
SIR CLAUDE
Elizabeth, you know we are to leave that to Eggerson.
This is Mr. Eggerson, Mrs. Guzzard:
My confidential clerk. That is to say,
Colby's predecessor, who recently retired.
Now he lives … in the country. But he knows the whole story:
He's been in my confidence — and I may say, my friend —
For very many years. So I asked him to be present.
I hope you don't mind?
MRS. GUZZARD
Why should I mind?
I have heard about Mr. Eggerson from Colby.
I am very happy to make his acquaintance.
SIR CLAUDE
And I thought he might … conduct the proceedings:
He's the very soul of tact and discretion.
MRS. GUZZARD
Certainly, Sir Claude, if that is what you wish.
But is the subject of this meeting —
I suppose to do with Colby — so very confidential?
EGGERSON
Yes, that is what I should call it, Mrs. Guzzard.
I take it, Sir Claude, I should open the discussion?
SIR CLAUDE
If you please, Eggerson.
EGGERSON
Then let's make a start.
The question has to do, as you surmised, with Mr. Simpkins.
It also concerns a problem of paternity.
LADY ELIZABETH
Or of maternity.
SIR CLAUDE
Don't interrupt, Elizabeth.
MRS. GUZZARD
I don't understand you.
EGGERSON
It's this way, Mrs. Guzzard.
It is only recently that Lady Elizabeth
Heard your name mentioned, by Mr. Simpkins.
She was struck by your name and your living in Teddington.
And now we must go back, many years:
Well, not so many years — when you get to my age
The past and the future both seem very brief —
But long enough ago for the question to be possible.
Lady Elizabeth, before her marriage
Had a child …
LADY ELIZABETH
A son.
EGGERSON
Had a son
Whom she could not, in the circumstances, acknowledge.
That happens not infrequently, Mrs. Guzzard.
MRS. GUZZARD
So I am aware. I have known it to happen.
EGGERSON
— Who was taken charge of by the father.
That is to say, placed out to be cared for
Till further notice by a foster-mother.
Unfortunately, the father died suddenly …
LADY ELIZABETH
He was run over. By a rhinoceros
In Tanganyika.
SIR CLAUDE
That's not relevant.
Leave it to Eggerson.
EGGERSON
The father died abroad.
Lady Elizabeth did not know the name of the lady
Who had taken the child. Or rather, had forgotten it.
She was not, in any case, in a position
In which she could have instituted enquiries.
So, for many years, she has been without a clue
Until the other day. This son, Mrs. Guzzard,
If he is alive, must be a grown man.
I believe you have had no children of your own;
But I'm sure you can sympathise.
MRS. GUZZARD
I can sympathise.
I had a child, and lost him Not in the way
That Lady Elizabeth's child was lost.
Let us hope that her son may be restored to her.
EGGERSON
That is exactly what we are aiming at.
We have a clue — or what appears to be a clue.
That is why Sir Claude has asked you to be present.
MRS. GUZZARD
You think I might be able to help you?
EGGERSON
It seems just possible. A few days ago,
As I said, Lady Elizabeth learned your name;
And the name struck her as being familiar.
MRS. GUZZARD
Indeed? It is not a very common name.
EGGERSON
That is what impressed her. Mrs. Guzzard
Of Teddington! Lady Elizabeth is convinced
That it was a Mrs. Guzzard of Teddington
To whom her new-born child was confided.
Of course she might be mistaken about Teddington …
LADY ELIZABETH
I am not mistaken about Teddington.
EGGERSON
I am only suggesting, Lady Elizabeth,
There are other places that sound like Teddington
But not so many names that sound like Guzzard —
Or if there are, they are equally uncommon.
But, Mrs. Guzzard, this is where you can help us —
Do you know of any other Mrs. Guzzard?
MRS. GUZZARD
None.
EGGERSON
Whether, I mean, in Teddington or elsewhere?
Now I must ask a more delicate question:
Did you, at any time, take in a child —
A child, that is, of parents unknown to you —
Under such conditions?
MRS. GUZZARD
Yes, I did take in a child.
My husband and I were childless … at the time,
And very poor. It offered two advantages.
EGGERSON
And did you know the name of the father
Or of the mother?
MRS. GUZZARD
I was not told either.
I understood the child was very well connected:
Otherwise, I should not have taken him.
But he was brought to me by a third party,
Through whom the monthly payments were made.
EGGERSON
The terms were satisfactory?
MRS. GUZZARD
Very satisfactory —
So long, that is to say, as the money was forthcoming.
EGGERSON
Did the payments come to an end?
MRS. GUZZARD
Very suddenly.
LADY ELIZABETH
That must have been when Tony met with his accident.
MRS. GUZZARD
I was informed that the father had died
Without making a will.
LADY ELIZABETH
He was very careless.
MRS. GUZZARD
And that the heirs acknowledged no responsibility.
The mother, I suppose, could have got an order
If she could have established the paternity;
But I didn't know who she was! What could I do?
LADY ELIZABETH
Oh, Claude, you see? You understand, Colby?
SIR CLAUDE
Don't be certain yet, Elizabeth.
LADY ELIZABETH
There is no doubt about it.
Colby is my son.
MRS. GUZZARD
Your son, Lady Elizabeth?
Are you suggesting that I kept a child of yours
And deceived Sir Claude by pretending it was his?
SIR CLAUDE
That is just the point. My wife has convinced herself
That Colby is her son. I know he is my son.
And I asked you here so that you might tell her so.
EGGERSON
Don't take this as a personal reflection,
Mrs. Guzzard. Far from it. You must make allowances
For a mother who has been hoping against hope
To find her son. Put yourself in her position.
If you had lost your son, in a similar way,
Wouldn't you grasp at any straw
That offered hope of finding him?
MRS. GUZZARD
Perhaps I should.
LADY ELIZABETH
There isn't a shadow of doubt in my mind.
I'm surprised that you, Eggerson, with your legal training,
Should talk about straws! Colby is my son.
MRS. GUZZARD
In the circumstances, I ignore that remark.
EGGERSON
May I pour a drop of oil on these troubled waters?
Let us approach the question from another angle,
And ask Mrs. Guzzard what became of the child
She took in, which may have been Lady Elizabeth's.
SIR CLAUDE
That's a very sensible suggestion, Eggerson.
A breath of sanity. Thank you for that.
MRS. GUZZARD
We parted with it. A dear little boy.
I was happy to have him while the payments were made;
But we could not afford to adopt the child,
Or continue to keep him, when the payments ended.
EGGERSON
And how did you dispose of him?
MRS. GUZZARD
We had neighbours
Who were childless, and eager to adopt a child.
They had taken a fancy to him. So they adopted him.
Then they left Teddington, and we lost sight of them.
EGGERSON
But you know their name?
MRS. GUZZARD
Yes, I know their name:
Like mine, a somewhat unusual one.
Perhaps it might be possible to trace them.
The name was Kaghan.
SIR CLAUDE
Their name was Kaghan!
MRS. GUZZARD
K-A-G-H-A-N. An odd name.
They were excellent people. Nonconformists.
EGGERSON
And the child, I suppose he had a Christian name?
MRS. GUZZARD
There was nothing to show that the child had been baptised
When it came to us; but we could not be sure.
My husband was particular in such matters,
So we had it given conditional baptism.
EGGERSON
What name did you give him?
MRS. GUZZARD
We named the child Barnabas.
LADY ELIZABETH
Barnabas? There's never been such a name
In my family. Or, I'm sure, in his father's.
But how did he come to be called Colby?
SIR CLAUDE
But, Elizabeth, it isn't Colby!
Don't you see who it is?
MRS. GUZZARD
My husband chose the name.
We had been married in the church of St. Barnabas.
COLBY
Barnabas Kaghan. Is he the little cousin
Who died? Don't you remember, Aunt Sarah,
My finding a rattle and a jingle-bell,
And your telling me I had had a little cousin
Who had died?
MRS. GUZZARD
Yes, Colby, that is what I told you.
LADY ELIZABETH
So my child is living. I was sure of that.
But I believe that Colby is Barnabas.
SIR CLAUDE
No, Elizabeth, Barnabas is Barnabas.
I must explain this, Mrs. Guzzard.
I have a very promising young colleague —
In fact, the young man who showed you upstairs —
Whose name is Barnabas Kaghan.
LADY ELIZABETH
Barnabas?
SIR CLAUDE
Yes, Elizabeth. He sometimes has to sign his full name.
But he doesn't like the name, for some reason;
So we call him B.
MRS. GUZZARD
A very good name.
He ought to be proud of it.
LADY ELIZABETH
How old is this Barnabas?
SIR CLAUDE
About twenty-eight, I think.
MRS. GUZZARD
He should be twenty-eight.
LADY ELIZABETH
Then I must be out in my calculations.
SIR CLAUDE
That wouldn't surprise me.
LADY ELIZABETH
Yes, what year was it?
I'm getting so confused. What with Colby being Barnabas —
I mean, not Barnabas. And Mr. Kaghan
Being Barnabas. I suppose I'll get used to it.
COLBY
But he's waiting downstairs! Isn't this the moment
For me to bring him up? And Lucasta?
EGGERSON
An excellent suggestion, Mr. Simpkins.
[Exit COLBY]
EGGERSON
And now, if you agree, Lady Elizabeth,
We can ask Mr. Kaghan about his parents;
And if Mr. and Mrs. Kaghan are still living
Mrs. Guzzard should be able to identify them.
LADY ELIZABETH
And will that prove that Mr. Kaghan —
This Mr. Kaghan — is my son?
EGGERSON
It creates an inherent probability —
If that's the right expression.
SIR CLAUDE
I believe, Elizabeth,
That you have found your son.
EGGERSON
Subject to confirmation.
LADY ELIZABETH
And to my being able to adjust myself to it.
[Re-enter COLBY, with KAGHAN and LUCASTA]
COLBY
I have told them to be prepared for a surprise.
LADY ELIZABETH
Barnabas! Is your name Barnabas?
KAGHAN
Why, yes, it is. Did you tell her, Sir Claude?
SIR CLAUDE
No, B. It was Mrs. Guzzard who revealed it.
This is Mr. Barnabas Kaghan —
Mrs. Guzzard. And … my daughter Lucasta.
KAGHAN
But how did Mrs. Guzzard know my name?
MRS. GUZZARD
Were Mr. and Mrs. Alfred Kaghan your parents?
KAGHAN
Yes. They are. My adoptive parents.
MRS. GUZZARD
And did they at one time live in Teddington?
KAGHAN
I believe they did. But why are you interested?
MRS. GUZZARD
Lady Elizabeth, I believe that this is your son.
If so, I am cleared from your unjust suspicion.
EGGERSON
Mr. Kaghan, are your adoptive parents living?
KAGHAN
In Kent. They wanted to retire to the country.
So I found them a little place near Sevenoaks
Where they keep bees. But why are you asking?
LADY ELIZABETH
Because, Barnabas, it seems you are my son.
EGGERSON
You will wish to obtain confirmation
Of this interesting discovery, Mr. Kaghan,
By putting your adoptive parents in touch
With Mrs. Guzzard. It's for them to confirm
That they took you, as a child, from Mrs. Guzzard,
To whom, it seems, you had first been entrusted.
KAGHAN
I really don't know what emotion to register …
LUCASTA
You don't need to talk that language any longer:
Just say you're embarrassed.
KAGHAN
Well, I am embarrassed.
If Lady Elizabeth is my mother …
LADY ELIZABETH
There is no doubt whatever about it, Barnabas.
I am your mother.
KAGHAN
But who was my father?
LADY ELIZABETH
He died very suddenly. Of a fatal accident
When you were very young. That is why you were adopted.
KAGHAN
But what did he do? Was he a financier?
LADY ELIZABETH
He was not good at figures. Your business ability
Comes, I suppose, from my side of the family.
But he was in a very good regiment —
For a time, at least.
KAGHAN
Well, I must get used to that.
But I should like to know how I ought to address you,
Lady Elizabeth. I've always been accustomed
To regard Mrs. Kaghan as my mother.
LADY ELIZABETH
Then in order to avoid any danger of confusion
You may address me as Aunt Elizabeth.
KAGHAN
That's easier, certainly.
LADY ELIZABETH
And I shall wish to meet them.
Claude, we must invite the Kaghans to dinner.
SIR CLAUDE
By all means, Elizabeth.
KAGHAN
But, Lady Elizabeth —
I mean, Aunt Elizabeth: if I call you Aunt Elizabeth
Would you mind very much calling me … just 'B'?
LADY ELIZABETH
Certainly, if you prefer that, Barnabas.
LUCASTA
Why is it that you don't like the name of Barnabas?
KAGHAN
I don't want people calling me 'Barney' —
Barney Kaghan! Kaghan's all right.
But Barney Kaghan — it sounds rather flashy:
It wouldn't make the right impression in the City.
LUCASTA
When you're an alderman, you'll be Sir Barney Kaghan!
LADY ELIZABETH
And I'm very glad you're announcing your engagement.
Lucasta, I shall take charge of your wedding.
LUCASTA
We'd meant to be married very quietly
In a register office.
LADY ELIZABETH
You must have a church wedding.
MRS. GUZZARD
I am glad to hear you say so, Lady Elizabeth.
But are you satisfied?
LADY ELIZABETH
Satisfied? What about?
MRS. GUZZARD
That your suspicions of me were wholly unfounded.
LADY ELIZABETH
Oh, Mrs. Guzzard, I had no suspicions!
I thought there had been a confusion — that's all.
MRS. GUZZARD
I feared there might be a confusion in your mind
Between the meaning of confusion and imposture.
SIR CLAUDE
I don't think there is any confusion now:
I'm sure that my wife is perfectly convinced;
And Mr. Kaghan's … mother, I am sure, will confirm it.
MRS. GUZZARD
That is as much to my interest as anyone's.
But will your wife be satisfied,
When she has the evidence the Kaghans will supply,
To recognise Barnabas Kaghan as her son?
[to LADY ELIZABETH]
Are you contented to have him as your son?
SIR CLAUDE
That seems a strange question, Mrs. Guzzard.
MRS. GUZZARD
I have been asked here to answer strange questions —
And now it is my turn to ask them.
I should like to gratify everyone's wishes.
LADY ELIZABETH
Oh, of course … Yes, I'm sure … I shall be very happy.
MRS. GUZZARD
You wished for your son, and now you have your son.
We all of us have to adapt ourselves
To the wish that is granted. That can be a painful process,
As I know. And you, Barnabas Kaghan,
Are you satisfied to find yourself the son
Of Lady Elizabeth Mulhammer?
KAGHAN
It's very much better than being a foundling —
If I can live up to it. And … yes, of course,
If I can make it right with my parents.
I'm fond of them, you know.
LADY ELIZABETH
I shall see to that, Barnabas.
KAGHAN
B. — if you don't mind, Aunt Elizabeth.
LADY ELIZABETH
B. — and I'm sure we shall become great friends.
EGGERSON
I'm sure we all wish for nothing better.
MRS. GUZZARD
Wishes, when realised, sometimes turn
Against those who have made them.
[to LADY ELIZABETH and KAGHAN]
Not, I think, with you.
[to LUCASTA]
Nor, so far as I can judge, with you.
Perhaps you are the wisest wisher here:
I shall not ask you whether you are satisfied
To be the wife of Barnabas Kaghan,
The daughter-in-law of Lady Elizabeth,
And the daughter of Sir Claude Mulhammer.
SIR CLAUDE
That is my concern — that she shall be satisfied
To be my daughter.
MRS. GUZZARD
Now, Colby,
I must ask you now, have you had your wish?
SIR CLAUDE
Colby only wanted to be sure of the truth.
COLBY
That is a very strange question, Aunt Sarah:
To which I can only give a strange answer.
Sir Claude is right: I wished to know the truth.
What it is, doesn't matter. All I wanted was relief
From the nagging annoyance of knowing there's a fact
That one doesn't know. But the fact itself
Is unimportant, once one knows it.
MRS. GUZZARD
You had no preference? Between a father and a mother?
COLBY
I've never had a father or a mother —
It's different for B. He's had his foster-parents,
So he can afford another relationship.
Let my mother rest in peace. As for my father —
I have the idea of a father.
It's only just come to me. I should like a father
Whom I had never known and couldn't know now,
Because he would have died before I was born
Or before I could remember; whom I could get to know
Only by report, by documents —
The story of his life, of his success or failure …
Perhaps his failure more than his success —
By objects that belonged to him, and faded photographs
In which I should try to decipher a likeness;
Whose image I could create in my own mind,
To live with that image. An ordinary man
Whose life I could in some way perpetuate
By being the person he would have liked to be,
And by doing the things he had wanted to do.
MRS. GUZZARD
Whose son would you wish to be, Colby:
Sir Claude's — or the son of some other man
Obscure and silent? A dead man, Colby.
Be careful what you say.
COLBY
A dead obscure man.
MRS. GUZZARD
You shall have your wish. And when you have your wish
You will have to come to terms with it. You shall have a father
Dead, and unknown to you.
SIR CLAUDE
What do you mean?
MRS. GUZZARD
Colby is not your son, Sir Claude.
COLBY
Who was my father, then?
MRS. GUZZARD
Herbert Guzzard.
You are the son of a disappointed musician.
COLBY
And who was my mother?
MRS. GUZZARD
Let your mother rest in peace.
I was your mother; but I chose to be your aunt.
So you may have your wish, and have no mother.
SIR CLAUDE
Mrs. Guzzard, this is perfectly incredible!
You couldn't have carried out such a deception
Over all these years. And why should you have deceived me?
EGGERSON
Mrs. Guzzard, can you substantiate this statement?
MRS. GUZZARD
Registration of birth. To Herbert and Sarah Guzzard
A son.
EGGERSON
And what about your sister and her child?
MRS. GUZZARD
Registration of death. The child was never born.
SIR CLAUDE
I don't believe it. I simply can't believe it.
Mrs. Guzzard, you are inventing this fiction
In response to what Colby said he wanted.
EGGERSON
I'll examine the records myself, Sir Claude.
Not that we doubt your word, Mrs. Guzzard:
But in a matter of such extreme importance
You'll understand the need for exact confirmation.
MRS. GUZZARD
I understand that, Mr. Eggerson. Quite well.
SIR CLAUDE
I shall not believe it. I'll not believe those records.
You pretend to have carried out a deception
For twenty-five years? It's quite impossible.
MRS. GUZZARD
I had no intention of deceiving you, Sir Claude,
Till you deceived yourself. When you went to Canada
My sister found that she was to have a child:
That much is true. I also was expecting one.
That you did not know. It did not concern you.
As I have just said, my sister died
Before the child could be born. You were very far away;
I sent you a message, which never reached you.
On your return, you came at once to see me;
And I found that I had to break the news to you.
You saw the child. You assumed that it was yours;
And you were so pleased, I shrank, at the moment,
From undeceiving you. And then I thought — why not?
My husband also had died. I was left very poor.
If I let you continue to think the child was yours,
My son was assured of a proper start in life —
That I knew. And it would make you so happy!
If I said the child was mine, what future could he have?
And then I was frightened by what I had done.
Though I had never said 'this child is yours',
I feared you would ask for the birth certificate.
You never did. And so it went on.
SIR CLAUDE
This is horribly plausible. But it can't be true.
MRS. GUZZARD
Consider, Sir Claude. Would I tell you all this
Unless it was true? In telling you the truth
I am sacrificing my ambitions for Colby.
I am sacrificing also my previous sacrifice.
This is even greater than the sacrifice I made
When I let you claim him. Do you think it is a small thing
For me, to see my life's ambition come to nothing?
When I gave up my place as Colby's mother
I gave up something I could never have back.
Don't you understand that this revelation
Drives the knife deeper and twists it in the wound?
I had very much rather that the facts were otherwise.
COLBY
I believe you. I must believe you:
This gives me freedom.
SIR CLAUDE
But, Colby —
If this should be true — of course it can't be true! —
But I see you believe it. You want to believe it.
Well, believe it, then. But don't let it make a difference
To our relations. Or, perhaps, for the better?
Perhaps we'll be happier together if you think
I am not your father. I'll accept that.
If you will stay with me. It shall make no difference
To my plans for your future.
COLBY
Thank you, Sir Claude.
You're a very generous man. But now I know who was my father
I must follow my father — so that I may come to know him.
SIR CLAUDE
What do you mean?
COLBY
I want to be an organist.
It doesn't matter about success —
I aimed too high before — beyond my capacity.
I thought I didn't want to be an organist
When I found I had no chance of getting to the top —
That is, to become the organist of a cathedral.
But my father was an unsuccessful organist.
MRS. GUZZARD
You should say, Colby, not very successful.
COLBY
And I wish to follow my father.
SIR CLAUDE
But, Colby:
Don't you remember the talk we had —
So very long ago! — when we shared our ambitions
And shared our disappointment. And you described your feelings
On beginning to learn the ways of business;
The exhilaration of finding you could handle
Matters you would have thought so uncongenial;
And the way in which you felt that you were changing?
That conversation would have convinvced me
With no other evidence, that you were my son,
Because you described my own experience, exactly.
Does that mean nothing to you, the experience we shared?
Heaven knows — and you know — I put no obstruction
In the way of your fulfilling your musical ambitions —
Had you been able to fulfil them.
Believe, if you like, that I am not your father:
I'll accept that. I put no claim upon you —
Except the claim of our likeness to each other.
We have undergone the same disillusionment:
I want us to make the best of it, together.
COLBY
No, Sir Claude. I hate to hurt you
As I am hurting you. But it is very different.
As long as I believed that you were my father
I was content to have had the same ambitions
And in the same way to accept their failure.
You had your father before you, as a model;
You knew your inheritance. Now I know mine.
SIR CLAUDE
I shall never ask you to think of me as a father;
All I ask you is — to regard me as a friend.
COLBY
But you would still think of me as your son.
There can be no relation of father and son
Unless it works both ways. For you to regard me —
As you would — as your son, when I could not think of you
As my father: if I accepted that
I should be guilty towards you. I like you too much.
You've become a man without illusions
About himself, and without ambitions.
Now that I've abandoned my illusions and ambitions
All that's left is love. But not on false pretences:
That's why I must leave you.
SIR CLAUDE
Eggerson!
Can't you persuade him?
LADY ELIZABETH
Yes. My poor Claude!
Do try to help him, Eggerson.
EGGERSON
I wouldn't venture.
Mr. Simpkins is a man who knows his own mind.
Is it true, Mr. Simpkins, that what you desire
Is to become the organist of some parish church?
COLBY
That is what I want. If anyone will take me.
EGGERSON
If so, I happen to know of a vacancy
In my own parish, in Joshua Park —
If it should appeal to you. The organist we had
Died two months ago. We've been looking for another.
COLBY
Do you think that they would give me a trial?
EGGERSON
Give you a trial? I'm certain.
Good organists don't seem to want to come to Joshua Park.
COLBY
But I've told you, I'm not a very good organist!
EGGERSON
Don't say that, Mr. Simpkins, until you've tried our organ!
COLBY
Well, if you could induce them to try me …
EGGERSON
The Parochial Church Council will be only too pleased,
And I have some influence. I am the Vicar's Warden.
COLBY
I'd like to apply.
EGGERSON
The stipend is small —
Very small, I'm afraid. Not enough to live on.
We'll have to think of other ways
Of making up an income. Piano lessons? —
As a temporary measure; because, Mr. Simpkins —
I hope you won't take this as an impertinence —
I don't see you spending a lifetime as an organist.
I think you'll come to find you've another vocation.
We worked together every day, you know,
For quite a little time, and I've watched you pretty closely.
Mr. Simpkins! You'll be thinking of reading for orders.
And you'll still have your music. Why, Mr. Simpkins,
Joshua Park may be only a stepping-stone
To a precentorship! And a canonry!
COLBY
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, Eggers.
Oh, I'm sorry …
EGGERSON
Don't be sorry: I'm delighted.
And by the way, a practical point:
If you took the position, you'd want to find your feet
In Joshua Park, before you settled on lodgings;
We have a spare room. We should be most happy
If you cared to stop with us, until you were settled.
COLBY
I'd be very glad indeed — if Mrs. Eggerson approved.
EGGERSON
There'll be no one so pleased as Mrs. E.;
Of that I can assure you.
MRS. GUZZARD
Mr. Eggerson,
I cannot see eye to eye with you,
Having been, myself, the wife of an organist;
But you too, I think, have had a wish realised.
— I believe that this interview can now be terminated.
If you will excuse me, Sir Claude …
SIR CLAUDE
Excuse you? Yes.
MRS. GUZZARD
I shall return to Teddington. Colby,
Will you get me a taxi to go to Waterloo?
COLBY
Get you a taxi? Yes, Aunt Sarah;
But I should see you home.
MRS. GUZZARD
Home? Only to a taxi.
Do you mind if I take my leave, Sir Claude?
I'm no longer needed here.
[Exit COLBY]
SIR CLAUDE
Mind? What do I mind?
MRS. GUZZARD
Then I will say goodbye. You have all had your wish
In one form or another. You and I, Sir Claude,
Had our wishes twenty-five years ago;
But we failed to observe, when we had our wishes,
That there was a time-limit clause in the contract.
SIR CLAUDE
What's that? Oh. Good bye, Mrs. Guzzard.
[Exit MRS. GUZZARD]
SIR CLAUDE
What's happened? Have they gone? Is Colby coming back?
LADY ELIZABETH
My poor Claude!
[LUCASTA crosses to SIR CLAUDE and kneels beside him]
KAGHAN
You know, Claude, I think we all made the same mistake —
All except Eggers …
EGGERSON
Me, Mr. Kaghan?
KAGHAN
We wanted Colby to be something he wasn't.
LADY ELIZABETH
I suppose that's true of you and me, Claude.
Between not knowing what other people want of one,
And not knowing what one should ask of other people,
One does make mistakes! But I mean to do better.
Claude, we've got to try to understand our children.
KAGHAN
And we should like to understand you …
I mean, I'm including both of you,
Claude … and Aunt Elizabeth.
You know, Claude, both Lucasta and I
Would like to mean something to you … if you'd let us;
And we'd take the responsibility of meaning it.
[LUCASTA puts her arms around SIR CLAUDE]
SIR CLAUDE
Don't leave me, Lucasta.
Eggerson! Do you really believe her?
[EGGERSON nods]
CURTAIN
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