I will buy one packet of Topps baseball cards this summer and peel open the wrapper, hoping to get an Ichiro Suzuki—only to find, instead, three Armando Almanzas, which I will clothespin to the front fork of the green Schwinn that I plan to buy this summer.
This summer I will play softball with my buddies in suburban parks with chain-link outfield fences, and we will drink Coors Light while getting ten-runned by lumberjacks. I will watch the games from right field through the airholes in the crown of my cap, which I will hold in front of my face to keep the gnats away. Then I will ride my Schwinn home with my mitt dangling from the handlebars, stopping at Dairy Queen for a Scrumpdillyishus bar, which I will eat in the parking lot, in full uniform, like a six-four Little Leaguer.
I will play pickup basketball games this summer on the baking asphalt of a brick-oven urban playground, and my sweet jump shot will make the chain net sway like the grass skirt on a hula dancer. All the while, on my Samsonite-sized boom box, Earth Wind & Fire will sing "September."
This summer I will leave work at two o'clock on a Tuesday, citing a dental appointment, only to hit beautiful arcing draws and fades for three hours on a driving range out by the airport. Then on Saturday, full of hope, I will shoot 103 on some municipal goat track and pinch a nerve in my neck.
I will watch fat men sweat through gray T-shirts at an NFL training camp this summer while I sit comfortably in an aluminum-framed lawn chair. There I will drink beers kept cold by a foam-rubber can cozy and fan myself with a roster of rookies who just might—I will allow myself to believe—put the Vikings back in the Super Bowl.
I will fall off a skateboard sometime this summer and break my arm at a really cool angle. I will wear a cast that all my friends will sign and that women will find sexy. I will tell everyone that I broke it hang gliding.
This summer I will set my alarm on a Sunday morning to watch "Breakfast at Wimbledon" and see Bud Collins, in pants evidently cut from a Holiday Inn bedspread, interview a victorious Pete Sampras, a tradition that I always find comforting. Then, five hours after waking up, I will make several abortive efforts to get out of bed.
I will wait for the NBA Finals to conclude this summer in some oppressively hot city. As celebrating citizens light up the night with gunfire and blazing squad cars, I will watch the ten o'clock news and be glad that I don't live there. Because this summer I will have no greater concern than how to cut my lawn in those diagonal stripes of contrasting shades you see in major league stadiums. On that grass I will throw lawn darts and play croquet and make a Wiffle ball move like a moth in a maelstrom.
This summer I will buy live bait and sandwiches, served up by the same hands in a shack by the side of the road. Then I will fish from a dock with my feet in the water and my back resting on an Igloo cooler. In eight hours I will catch nothing but a buzz.
I will save seven hundred soda-pop proof-of-purchase labels this summer, and I will mail them to a P.O. box in Nebraska so that, sometime next December, I can giddily go to my mailbox and find inside a Tampa Bay Devil Rays souvenir key chain.
This summer I will spend all day at the beach throwing a football in flawless spirals and running tight post patterns around old men with metal detectors. I will never go into the water, and I will never make it past page 7 of James Michener's Hawaii.
I will stand on my front stoop this summer and watch kids plead "One more inning" when their mothers call them to wash up for dinner.
And when the sun goes down, I will park on the highest hill overlooking the city and tune in faraway, fifty-thousand-watt radio stations, and I will listen to ball games drifting in on a breeze from the West Coast. And when the games fade out, I will lie back on the hood of my car and look up at the stars and listen to the crickets.
(July 4, 2001)
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