Japanese men eat squid jerky. They buy underwear from vending machines. According to an actual survey, 78 percent of Japanese men would select, as their sole female companion on a desert island, U.S. Attorney General Janet Reno. So the indelicate conclusion is inevitably drawn: Being branded a misfit in Japanese society is, in fact, a certification of one's sanity.
No other nation walks so fine a line between what is normal and what is perverse. Japan is all fine lines. When trying to procure aspirin in a Japanese hotel, never tell the concierge, "Atama ga itai [my head aches]," for he might mistakenly hear an almost identical phrase, "Kintama ga itai [my testicles ache]." I assure you, the silence that ensues is excruciating.
The point is, Japan can be "a little difficult for the unaccustomed," which is how a Nagano restaurant called Fu-Ru-Sa-To describes the "squid guts" on its menu. Japan is nearly as difficult for the well accustomed. So on a ten-day flak-finding mission to the host nation of the 1998 Winter Olympics, one meets countless citizens who feel they somehow fail to fit into Japan. When you consider that 125 million Japanese live on four main volcanic outcroppings collectively smaller than California, they might just be speaking literally.
But probably not. For it's easy to feel out of place in a country where convention is so unconventional, where the mundane is often bizarre. "Other nations have mocked this country, saying, 'Japan's rationality is the world's irrationality,'" read a recent editorial in the Sankei Shimbun newspaper. "The Japanese sports world is no exception to this view."
In which case the forthcoming fortnight will be interesting, to say the least. Welcome to the Olympics. Smoking is compulsory.
The man who secured the Winter Games for his native Nagano smokes Mild Sevens through a tortoiseshell holder, which he carries at an imperious angle, in the manner of Franklin Roosevelt. "[Juan Antonio] Samaranch doesn't like me to smoke," says Soichiro (Sol) Yoshida, blowing Olympic smoke rings with each exhalation, chain-defying the president of the International Olympic Committee.
He is in his driveway, leaning rakishly on a phlegm-colored '54 Mercedes 300 rolltop sedan that once served as the limousine for West German chancellor Konrad Adenauer. The Benz now belongs to Yoshida, who has a collection of fifty classic cars that he drives only after midnight, when the rest of Nagano has gone to bed. "Japanese jealousy," he says with a sigh, by way of explanation. "I have to tell you, after we got the Games, I experienced a lot of what we call 'high-poppy syndrome.'"
Among Nagano's 360,045 residents, there is no tall poppy riper for pruning than Yoshida, the zillionaire owner of sixty-six gas stations, thirty-four Kentucky Fried Chicken franchises, and one diabolical biodiesel plant that converts used KFC oil into automotive fuel that is then sold at his gas stations.
By day Yoshida, fifty-two, drives a Land Rover that runs on old cooking oil and emits fumes that smell like Original Recipe. As the Rover belches out fried-chicken emissions, salivating pedestrians subconsciously seek out one of his ever-near KFCs.
Says Yoshida, grinning like a Batman villain, "All conditions are working perfectly for me."
Or they were until he did a dumb thing like land the Olympics. From 1988 through 1991, in eighty countries, Yoshida personally charmed, and imbibed Jack Daniel's with, each of the IOC's ninety-two voting members. He glad-handed world leaders and mingled among tenors. "I met the opera singer, what's his name, not Pavlov, the other one," he says. "Domingo!"
When Nagano was at last awarded the Winter Games, in June '91, a rival Salt Lake City representative was quoted as saying, "We did not lose to Nagano, we lost to Yoshida." The Japanese were less impressed. "People thought we were too extravagant [in courting the IOC]," Yoshida says one afternoon over steaks and wine in an exclusive Nagano restaurant—so exclusive that Yoshida and his guests are the only patrons. "We spent two billion yen. That's twenty million dollars. In Japan you cannot be so much more outstanding than other people."
This also presents a conundrum for Manabu Horii, who is imprudently distinguishing himself as the world's finest speed skater. The former world-record holder in the 1,000 meters and his nation's best hope for a kin-medaru (gold medal) in Nagano, Horii stands out among his countrymen in every way, from his skate blades (they're gold) to his scalp (it's bald).
Last year Horii found himself at the epicenter of an entomological earthquake when the governor of Nagano Prefecture, Goro Yoshimura, publicly dismissed speed skating as "uninteresting." Worse, Yoshimura likened speed skaters on an oval track to "water beetles on a whirligig." Whatever in god's name that means, the comment was presumed to be unflattering, and the guv was made to give the most abject of public apologies, serve a cruel and unusual penance of attending thirty-nine speed-skating races, and restore honor to the water beetle by praising it as an "admirable insect."
Such public embarrassment is to be avoided at all costs in Japan, which is why the country has karaoke practice booths. In any event, Horii is too good-natured to rise to the "water beetle" bait.
Seemingly every article on the interview-shy athlete, who won the 500-meter bronze medal in Lillehammer, claims he shaved his head to intimidate opponents, a fiction that is rather humorous to anyone who has met this unassuming absentee employee of the Oji Paper Company.
"I shaved my head before one race," says Horii, twenty-eight, between sips of coffee in the lobby of a hotel in Obihiro, on the northern Japanese island of Hokkaido. "It felt good, so I kept doing it. I didn't do it for an image, I did it for myself. It's normal in North America for athletes to shave their heads, like Michael Jordan. Or in ice hockey, what is his name, Mark Messier? But in Japan, it is not what the group does, so people must come up with an explanation."
That's the trouble. Japan defies explanation. Guns are legal, but bullets are not. This is a nation that produces and distributes pornographic movies that show no private parts. (Or so I am told.) By Japanese law, images of private parts are pixeled, which seems rather to be missing the whole point of pornographic movies.
Then there is the men's Olympic downhill ski course in Hakuba. The Japanese set the starting gate 1,650 meters from the finish line, rather than the 1,800 meters requested by FIS (skiing's world governing body), so that the course would not infringe on a national park farther up the mountain. That would have been admirable, except that the park is open daily to thousands of non-Olympic skiers during the rest of the ski season, raising the question: What's the point, exactly?
"No one knows the reason," Chiharu Igaya, a silver medalist in the slalom in the 1956 Games, told the Kyodo News Service. "No one can understand the explanation." After five years of resistance on the issue, Japanese Olympic officials abruptly raised the start to 1,750 meters in December. But Igaya's statement amounts to a national mantra on a multiplicity of issues in Japan: No one knows the reason.
Vending machines (jido hambaiki) are on every corner, selling everything from forty-ounce beers to AAA batteries. I asked a Canadian who lives in Nagano what is the oddest item he has ever seen on display in a Japanese vending machine, and he said without hesitation, "Underwear and dress shirts." In Tokyo there is now a clerkless department store containing row after row of vending machines. Why? No one knows the reason.
Yet a funny thing happens to a tourist after a week or so in this bewildering, nonsensical, Nagano-a-go-go. Just when you become convinced that Japan's rationality really is the world's irrationality, the country inexplicably begins to inspire not frustration or dread, but something close to awe.
I refer not to the nation's gratuitous technophilia, though some of Japan's solutions to problems that you didn't know you had are indeed wondrous: traffic-signal clocks that count down the seconds remaining until the light changes, or the glorious electronically heated toilet seats of Japan's upmarket hotels (rump-roasting, bum-toasting delights that ought to be made code for all new construction in North America).
Rather, I am talking about the people of Japan. Yes, their sense of humor can be obtuse. When Yoshida said he recently played a match with the crown prince of Japan at the Tokyo Tennis Club, I asked, "Did the prince use a Prince?" and Yoshida replied, "No, he used a Mizuno."
This opacity, one soon discovers, is often deliberate, and little more than a veneer. In that sense Naganoans are not unlike Nagano, whose narrow and mazy streets were designed to prevent invading hordes from ever reaching the city center. With sufficient time and chicken gas, however, you will reach central Nagano, and with similar perseverance you will likewise reach Naganoans. Know this: When you arrive at the heart of either, you will not believe your eyes.
In Nagano's small but intense nightlife district, there is an obscure bar called Police 90 that is owned and operated by ponytailed forty-six-year-old Yosio Matuzaki, who insists that you call him Machan, or "friend." Machan has a face that could stop a clock. In fact, I watched him halt the second hand on a tourist's Tag Heuer wristwatch simply by staring at it.
Nine years ago, when he was working at a Nagano hotel, Machan awoke one morning with the unaccountable abilities—paranormal, supernatural, call them what you will—that burden him to this day.
Or so I discover when I sit down to dinner at the bar one evening. Lightly applying his thumb and forefinger to the tines of the stainless-steel fork I am eating with, Machan bends them into coils. He then ties each tine into a knot. Later, he holds his hands an inch from mine, closes his eyes, and radiates a pulse of heat that feels as if he has opened an oven door. A patron puts his rental-car keys on the bar, and they violently swing toward Machan, pointing to him like a compass needle finding north.
Machan asks for a disposable lighter. When one is placed in his palm, he closes his hand and instantly reopens it, revealing a lump of melted plastic in a puddle of butane. Even Machan appears powerless to comprehend these powers. He makes celebrity spoon-bender Uri Geller look downright dilettantish, but Machan is neither rich nor famous, all but unknown even in Nagano. When I suggest he might make millions in Las Vegas, Machan and his patrons howl with laughter. "Vegas!" he says, offering his best Michael Buffer impression: "Lllladies and gentlemen …"
Years ago Machan made a single appearance on Japanese TV, during which he took a lie-detector test. He passed, but then he demonstrated the unreliability of the exam by using his mind to manipulate the polygraph needle.
How the hell does he do these things? With furrowed brow, Machan utters the only phrase I have ever heard that adequately explains anything in Japan. He says wearily, "I cannot explain."
Sixty-six days before the Olympics begin, countdown billboards all over Nagano reveal that there are sixty-six days before the Olympics begin. "When do the Olympics begin?" a reporter from a Nagano television station asks me in a man-on-the-street interview.
"In sixty-six days?" I venture.
The reporter nods, then says in Japanese, "Many local residents we have asked do not know the answer."
In December speed skater Hiroyasu Shimizu, who will carry Japan's flag in the opening ceremonies, tells me, "I am worried that people are not very excited yet."
Where there isn't apathy, there's antipathy. The cost of the Olympics, which could reach as high as $1.5 billion, will be borne largely by residents of Nagano Prefecture, where public debt has increased by $30,000 per household. That's a lot to pay for the privilege of watching water beetles on a whirligig.
"But without the Games," protests Yoshida, "there would be no bullet train to Nagano. There are now two major highways coming here from Tokyo, which is very rare for a Japanese city of this size."
There is indeed a bullet train, which became operational last October. It serves an exquisite squid jerky, covers the 120 miles from central Tokyo to Nagano in seventy-nine minutes, and cost a mere $7 billion.
There is, likewise, a new superhighway from Tokyo to the Nagano region. It ends at the doorstep of Shiga Kogen, a ski resort owned by Yoshiaki Tsutsumi. He's the reclusive, richer-than-Buddha president of the Japan Ski Association, a vice president of the local Olympic organizing committee, and the owner of the gargantuan Seibu corporation, whose holdings include the Prince Hotel chain and baseball's Seibu Lions, last season's Pacific League champion.
More troubling than the perception of political favoritism in Nagano is the notion that there is no snow in Nagano. The very first question at the very first press conference, in 1989, to announce Nagano's bid for the Olympics came from a Tokyo-based reporter who inquired of Yoshida, "Uh, do you have snow in Nagano?"
This winter, until early December, the answer was no, and the southernmost city ever to host the Winter Olympics was in danger of having its Games called on account of El Niño.
"I think the Games will be a success, but I am worried about the traffic," says speed skater Horii, voicing another mass concern but one that he need not worry about personally. During the Olympics, vehicles ferrying around twenty-five hundred athletes and bigwigs will be equipped with infrared sensors that instantly change red lights to green.
Rest assured, the devices will work. If you have ever gone virtual deep-sea fishing in a Nagano amusement arcade, or shopped for inch-thick TV sets in Tokyo's Akihabara electronics district, or waved to a road construction worker who turns out to be a robot, you know that Japanese society is a monument to all things man-made. Which explains why the slogan for these Olympics is "Respect for the beauty and bounty of … nature."
Nature? To be fair, Nagano is endowed with breathtaking natural beauty, from the perhaps too ambitiously named Japan Alps to the enviable monkeys at the Shiga Kogen hot springs, where 265 simians live out their days enjoying one long monkey shvitz.
Precisely because there is so much beauty, environmental activists have been going monkey-shvitz ever since Nagano announced its bid. Yoshida occasionally encountered anti-Olympic eco-protesters from Japan during his bid-related overseas travels. "Fortunately they would chant in Japanese, so only I understood them," he says. "They didn't have much money, so they couldn't follow me to many places."
The irony is that Japanese Olympic officials are now the folks without much money. They made their bid at the late-eighties apex of Japan's bubble economy. It was a giddy time when—according to at least one newspaper account—people thought nothing of "spending thousands of dollars on funerals for their pets."
That was then. Today, of course, the whole of Asia's economy is going down the electronically heated toilet. "The Japanese [economic] system was built after World War Two and never checked very closely," says Yoshida, who earned his MBA from Michigan State in 1969. "What we are seeing now is like metal fatigue in aircraft." Only days earlier, Japan's giant Yamaichi securities company failed, prompting its silver-haired chairman to appear on national television and dutifully weep in shame.
There is unlikely to be such a denouement to these Olympics, though officials do have some explaining to do. Nagano won the Games in part by promising to pay the travel expenses of all visiting athletes. They can now afford just $1,000 per athlete. A promised twelve-thousand seat hockey arena will in fact hold fewer than nine-thousand spectators, some of whom will have to stand.
Blame everything on the Japanese bureaucracy. Everyone in Japan blames everything on the Japanese bureaucracy. It is a favorite target of Yoshida, a maverick who is married to a Minneapolis-born woman named Carole. ("With an e! I don't know why she spells it this way," Yoshida says.) Their son and daughter both live in the United States.
"Wa means harmony," says Yoshida. "When we make a team in Japan, we must have wa. The Japanese concept of wa is, if there are four of us working together, and you have four units of competence, and someone else has three units, and I have two units, then we all work together at two units of competence. This is the kind of teamwork respected in Japan."
Wa went out the window in Nagano's pursuit of the Olympics, he says. "If we tried to get the Olympic Games by wa system, we wouldn't have cared about the outcome," says Yoshida. "Under wa system, if we lose to Salt Lake City, we should just cry and say, 'Well, we worked very hard.'"
In parting, he adds his hope that these Olympics will become a global group hug. "If the Japanese people think the Olympics are our success, that we won over other international communities, then this is not good," he says. "But I think these Games will be the beginning of a good change."
Sports are an engine for change in the world because they transcend cultural and religious differences. They are Esperanto, as catholic as the life-sized Colonel Sanders outside the Kentucky Fried Chicken on Chuo-Dori, the bustling street that leads uphill to the stunning centerpiece of Nagano Zenkoji temple.
On this morning, before a lapis lazuli altar, a blue-robed Buddhist priest sounds a silver gong in a solemn ceremony inside Zenkoji. The temple is fourteen hundred years old and has burned to the ground eleven times, most recently in 1707. The priest is forty-one years old, and his name is Katsuhika Ito. When he smiles without his false front teeth, he looks alarmingly like former Broad Street Bully Bobby Clarke.
That is no coincidence. The priest's teeth have been knocked out repeatedly by the butt end of a hockey stick. "I have given up trying to have them fixed," Ito says that evening at the Nagano Skate Center, a dilapidated indoor rink where the player-coach-goon of the Nagano beer-league Polar Stars is conducting hockey practice. He has shed his priestly vestments for a pair of Philadelphia Flyers breezers and a Los Angeles Kings practice jersey, which he obtained when playing with members of the Kings at their practice center in L.A., where Ito's sister lives. Ito is an ardent fan of the NHL. The Polar Stars' game jerseys are modeled on the Pittsburgh Penguins'. He will work as a volunteer at Olympic hockey games. When I ask him whom he admires in hockey, he looks at me to make sure that the question is not rhetorical, then gives the inescapable answers. "Gretzky," he says, "and Messier."
As a player Ito is more Messier than Gretzky, a hard-knuckled forward unafraid to drop his gloves. "I think I know him," Yoshida says, when told of Zenkoji's hockey-playing priest. "He drinks at my bar. He is a tough guy, yes?"
Ito has been skating since fourth grade, when the Nagano Skate Center opened. He has been a priest since he was twenty-three. He sees no conflict in his twin passions; to him, they complement each other. "In sport and religion, I believe in doing one's best," he says. "Believe in the god that you believe in in the best way that you can. I tell this to schoolchildren in motivational speeches."
He is pleased that CBS has built a makeshift studio on the grounds at Zenkoji, from which the network will broadcast the image of the temple around the world for sixteen days. "Of course there are problems," says Ito, leaning on his stick. "But we hope to have the best Olympics possible. I think it is great that people will identify Japan with religion and with Zenkoji temple."
In the winking fluorescent light of the ice rink, Japan suddenly seems not so very foreign after all. You say Zenkoji, I say Zamboni. Why call the whole thing off?
I have breakfast with Koji Aoki, a Japanese sports photographer who is as callous as the rest of us in this business, and talk naturally turns to … ice dancing. Aoki remarks that his favorite Olympic moment came at the 1984 Sarajevo Games, when British ice dancers Jayne Torvill and Christopher Dean scored a string of perfect 6's.
The photographer saw the twosome ten years later, after the Lillehammer Games—they were gnawing on stale cinnamon rolls in the Oslo airport. Aoki approached them and said evenly, "I saw you in Sarajevo. I was there. And I want to thank you. It is rare in life that one gets to witness such a … "—he paused, then lit upon the appropriate phrase—"such a moment of perfection."
Then, as now, Aoki's eyes went slick, like resurfaced ice, and so did the eyes of Torvill and Dean. "I could see," says Aoki, recalling the scene, "that this touched them."
Isn't that all you can ask, from life or from the Olympics: amid all the manifold problems, a moment of perfection?
Nagano has already given me one. It transpired in the Police 90 pub, with its multiple portraits of Marilyn Monroe, whom Machan admires because, as he puts it, "hers is a story that could never happen in Japan." I took him to mean all of it, the good and the bad, the blond hair, the drug overdose, the marriage to DiMaggio, the peculiarly American miasma of superstardom.
Anyway, police paraphernalia (and the year of its grand opening) give Police 90 its name. There is an arsenal of weaponry on the walls and an AK-47 behind the bar. "I can own the guns but not the bullets," Machan says. It is a concept that now makes sense to me. Machan was fascinated when an FBI agent popped into the pub last year, sweeping Nagano in advance of a visit by Hillary Clinton. "We have nothing like the FBI in Japan," he says. "It simply isn't an issue here." Imagine that.
As I did, Machan was behind the bar, mixmastering this little moment of perfection. In one flourish he broke a spoon into pieces with his gaze, poured a pair of Suntorys from the tap, and answered the bar phone with the harried Moshi-moshi of a Japanese publican. I sat by, slack-jawed, with a British photographer, a Canadian interpreter, a German editor, and a Japanese blues guitarist named Sam.
On the bar, our drinks had left five linked rings that resembled the Olympic logo. An authentic CHiPs motorcycle stood sentry by the doorway. Someone taught me the proper phrase for aspirin-procurement in Japan (futsuka yoii: "hangover"). A man at the bar sang the Sex Pistols' "Anarchy in the UK" on karaoke. At that moment I felt precisely the way the Olympics are supposed to make you—and me, and everybody else—feel: like nothing less, and nothing more, than a citizen of planet earth.
(February 9, 1998)
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