BOOK I
Poems for Judy
[Editor's Note: Judy Pepper was Abbey's third wife (of five) and the mother of his eldest daughter (of two), Susie. Judy died of leukemia in 1970, at the age of twenty-seven.]
Love Letter
The land is lovely here,
more beautiful every day.
The golden light of autumn now appears,
not in the sky but in the flowers—
matchweed, rabbitbrush, prince's plume,
beeplant, mule's-ears sunflower—
all blazing yellow.
A cold October wind blows from the mountains
although it's still September here below.
I must climb old Tukuhnikivats once more
before I leave.
The travelers are gone,
I roam the purple evenings alone,
thinking of you, treasuring
our trysting places, stopping each night
at that cove of sandstone
near the ancient juniper where we built a little fire
and last made love…
I kiss it where you lay.
The Gift
(May, 1963—Sunset Crater, Arizona)
There was a dry season in a dry country:
barren clouds above the mountain peaks,
blue delirium over the cliffs,
a hot wind moaning through the trees
of a dying forest.…
We waited, we all waited
for the soft and silver rain
to come and ease our thirst.
We waited, while our hearts
withered in the heat.
The first promise of a new season
came at evening in the form of evening light
(like the light in your eyes, your hair, your smile,
the soft glow on your arms).
The aspens shivered with hope.
The yellow pines stirred their heavy limbs.
The cliffrose opened its flowers
and a strange fierce joy sang through my heart,
in tune with the winds
and the ecstasy of the earth
and the singing of the wild and lonely sky.
Love Poem
(New Year's Day, 1964—Hoboken)
Under that leaking sky
the color of dead souls
where the snow is always gray
on asphalt and cement
and obscure birds
of dubious origin
seldom sing
or never sing at all
in the naked elms—
we found, somehow, you and I,
through the confusion
and brutal dullness
of the city falling in its sickness—
the shock of something wild
and secret, almost forgotten,
that flows through eyes
and nerves like fire—
yes, you and I,
in the good sweet luck
of our coming
together.
Song from the City
(June, 1965—Room 12, Third Floor North, Klingenstein Center, Mount Sinai Hospital, 99th and Madison, New York City)
There is a hermit thrush that sings
near a mountain spring,
its music like the flutesong
of some wild and lonely thing
under a silent sky. Far above
on the mountain's crest the snow
is melting now. The waters rush
down toward twilight, through the alpenglow
of evening. Smoke rises slowly
from an old campfire. A bird calls,
still, alone, in the clear dark.
And my heart falls.
Soaring Song
(October, 1967—San Francisco)
Yes—even after my death
you shall not escape me.
Reincarnate, I'll follow you
in the eyes of every hawk,
every falcon, vulture, eagle
that soars in whatever sky
you walk beneath,
all the earth over,
everywhere.
Yes—and when you die too,
and follow me into that deep
dark burning delirious blue
and become like me—
a kind of bird, a feathered thing—
why, then I'll seek you out
ten thousand feet above the sea;
and far beyond the world's rim
we'll meet and clasp and couple
close to the flaming sun
and scream the joy of our love
into the blaze of death
and burn like angels
down through the stars
past all the suns
to the world's beginning again.
North Rim
(July, 1970—Grand Canyon, Arizona)
Everything conspires to haunt me here
with memory and thought and sense of you:
the fragrant lupine and the quiet deer,
the hawk that soars against the icy blue
of noon, the silver aspen on whose bark
I carved your name and mine within a heart;
the night you came so softly in the dark;
the day I came to you at last—to part.
My darling girl, is there no end to love
which lives despite all loss, regret and tears?
that flourishes on mountain rock, above
the plain, and grows against the wind and years?
Let it be so. I'll consecrate my days
to loving love, and you, and all I praise.
Idle Music
Silver music in
an idle tune
dark laughter under
the haunted moon
—oh, the heart's brave
thunder dies so soon!
BOOK II
Occasions
A Simple-Minded Song of Hatred
(October; 1962—Hoboken)
Stated baldly—and why not?
I hate New York.
Why? Well—why not?
Why the hell not?
This vampire city, sucking the juice
from us poor country boys,
cracking hearts, smashing fingers
and toes, jabbing you in
the fucking eye, chewing the flesh
of a continent, breaking
our bones and lapping the marrow
up with a sibilant sucking sound
from a hundred million
dislocated joints, etc. etc.—
This wart, this chancre, this evil
carcinoma, feeding on the face
of a nation, befouling the earth
for a thousand miles.…
Your ship of asphalt, smoke and iron,
floating forever upriver into the heart,
obstructing the normal channels
of elimination, compounding
the national constipation, polygamous
city of—oh!—naked shame!
Island of madness! Death ship!
Concrescence of sickness, sore point,
needle of lunacy, scientistic
fantasy of electrical gardens,
impossible prison, lockstep bedlam,
oh towering carnival cell blocks
of schmuck-eating cannibals.…
Yes. Eight million pounds
of shit per day, record production,
setting new quotas, unlimited aspirations,
broken noses, split eyeballs and vaginal
fangs! City, I say, of horror!
City of nightmare! City of sorrow!
Madhouse! Shambles! Inferno!
Gather your strength, convoke your voltage
of light and glittering brains—
force it all through the unicorn tower—
burn a hole in the iron sky!
One Thing at a Time, for Christ's Sake
(October, 1962—Hoboken)
If we consider the sunflowers
in the railroad yards of Hoboken
we cannot, fairly, account for the grace
of the traffic converging in ranks
under armor and bellowing down
on the cops at the tunnel gates
and the music under the skirt
of a black-stockinged blonde walking home
from the factory doorway here.
So—? We take time out to approve
(if the barrage of noise will permit us
—that roar from the gun-barrel sky)
of the papers to be signed in quadruplicate,
the scream of the sirens, wine
on the rock of Weehawken, shipwreck and bricks,
sea-wrack and garbage cans,
TV dinners and indigestible love,
while steak floats on sweat and blood
where the brown boy slipped on the grease
on the road and the bus
(the driver makes change between fits
of scratching his scrotum)
crunches bumpily (brief scream)
over the body, rib cage and skull
smashed flat as a dog on the freeway,
and of course the crowd gathers
—why not?—to adore, drawn by the smell
of blood, and the money, where warriors grunt
like hogs hanging from hooks
in slaughterhouse chutes,
on a smoky day in July.
Manhattan at Twilight,
Seen from the Palisades
(June, 1965—Hoboken)
Who would believe the city could be so lovely?
The streets gashes of golden fire,
the towers glowing like blocks of radium,
filled with a rich, cool burning,
and the endless stream of the traffic
that flows by the glittering river
like a necklace strung with beads of light
and draped on the shoulders of the city;—
an island of electric magic to fill with awe
the mind and heart of some far voyager.
BOOK III
Notes & Illuminations
from a Burning Book
King Aethelstan to All Heads…
"Gif wiccan owwe wigleras mansworan, owwe morth-wyrhtan owwe fule afylede aebere horcwenan ahwahr on lande wurthan agytene, thonne fyrsie man of earde and claensie tha theode, owwe on earde forfare hi mid ealle, buton hi geswican and the deoper gebetan.…"
ABBEY'S TRANSLATION:
"If witches or weirds, man-swearers or murther-wroughters, or foul defiled open whore-queens, anywhere in the land are gotten, then force them off earth, and cleanse the nation, or on earth forth fare them withal, until they beseech and deeply better get.…"
Pommes de Terre
The plow; the raw September earth; the massive-haunched and mighty-hoofed old bay clomping and farting down the furrow; Father holding the plow, my brother the reins, and me with a sack following, gathering the fruits of the overturned soil—the earth apples.…
Richly abundant, brown fat potatoes, thick as stars, appearing like miracles out of the barren, weedy, stony patch, thousands of big hefty solid spuds, bushel after bushel, a hundred bushels per acre, a mass of treasure from the earth.…
How our hands and eyes delighted in that harvest, how gladly we dragged our bulging gunnysacks to the wagon… a wagonful of potatoes! Dark, crusted with dirt, soil, earth, cool to the touch, good to eat even raw; we plowed the shabby-looking field and turned up nuggets, plenty, abundance, more than enough to last through the winter, more than we needed, riches unimagined.…
A Dream
The death of your father. Wild with vain regrets. Grasping your hand, clutching your warmth and pulse and blood and life. The darkness hanging round, specters in the corners of the room. The unimaginable annihilation—the nothing. The nothingness. Oh hang on, Paw, don't let go. Stay with us, old man, yet a little while longer. Fatal envy? I die, you live? All follow. We'll be with you soon. Blind man's bluff. Twilight time, hide and seek, allee-allee-outs in free.…
My thoughts gather like a dark cloud. Beware of lightning!
Last Rites
KY jelly
thymol iodide powder
5cc syringe
#19 or #20 hypodermoclysis needles (2)
#20 gauge 1 mm needle (1)
70% rubbing alcohol
cotton balls
30cc Demerol @ 50mg per cc
Cocaine
Codeine
Demerol
Seconal
Morphine
Morphine
Morphine
Morphine
MORPHINE
MORPHINE
Peace & Plenty
10 gal crock of H2O
1 can malt (w/hops)
5–10 lbs sugar or honey (honey's better)
1–5 cakes yeast
Bottle at 2 degrees on Balling scale hydrometer
Age two weeks
(keep your phucking hands off them bottles!)
Relax.
Unlax.
Exlax.
A drink a day keeps the shrink away.
From a Sundown Legend
Weep, all you little rains;
wail, winds, wail.…
Where Is Your Rock?
…a juniper on a ledge of rock; overhead, wild clouds in a violet sky; far below, the river; and east, west, north, south—the distant mountains.
Due Notice
Beware the weak, the timid, the small:
they are dangerous.
Beware of love—more dangerous (and delicate)
than dynamite.
Beware of thy wishes: they will come true.
Beware of your friends: your enemies you can trust.
Beware of the man who has no enemies.
Beware of wariness, which makes a coward
of conscience.
What Zapata Said
The land,
like the sun,
like the air we breathe,
belongs to everyone—
and to no one.
Inconsolable Memories
—poverty, rural:
—chickens scratching in the dirt; green and white chickenshit on the kitchen doorstep; chained dogs howling under the front porch; creak of the porch swing at evening, as Sister entertains her beau; goddamned rooster crowing all day long, forlorn and horny as a unicorn; snot-nosed kids with shaven skulls (lice); the first muskrat in my trap-line, frozen in the ice; in search of the golden bee-tree; one dove calling from yonder hill.…
Essay on Time
Are there not
several modes of time?
i.e. (1) (first, least and most trivial)
clock time, calendar time;
then (2) solar time—day and night,
winter and summer;
and (3) biological time—life-time,
time as measured by
the birth, growth, maturation,
reproduction, decay and death
of a living organism—
man, man-time, the human;
and (4) the time of poetry, the time
of music, the time of love.
Past, present, future: mystery.
To live fully in the now—yes—
but not completely now, for if
we had no memory of what is past
and no awareness of the open future,
then our present would be meaningless—
we'd live like grubs in a rotten log,
with no more than the consciousness of worms.
And (5) sidereal time—the life of stars.
Sidereal…
And (6) desert time: the stillnesses
and music of sky and rock,
the movement of wind on sand;
And (7) river time. River time. The living flow.
I am haunted by the sound of rivers' flow.
And (8) the time of love—the birth
and blossoming, the fruitfulness
of love, the slow decline,
the fading death of love,
the end and emptiness.
Long Poem: A Few Words for Some of My Contemporaries
To PABLO NERUDA
We'll never solve anything.
Granted.
But beware:
The vampire's shadow hangs above your country.
Come, let us sing together.
TO JOHN CHAMBERLAIN
Memo, John:
Instead of dragging the goddamned junkyard
into the art gallery
Why not heave the goddamned art gallery
into the junkyard?
TO JUDSON CREWS
Oh Laureate of Taos,
Of sagebrush and the human cunt,
Public Enemy Number One
Of all censors, postmasters and mystagogues—
I salute you. Salve! Magister!
TO ROBERT CREELEY
Your poems are short,
very short.
Mine
is bigger.
TO JOHN DEPUY
Madman and seer,
painter of the apocalyptic volcano of the world—
Companero, I am with you forever
in the glorious fraternity of the damned.
TO CARLOS FUENTES
The vultures gather
above the carcass of the dying bull.
The Revolution is dead.
Long live the Revolution.
TO J. EDGAR HOOVER
All good things must come to an end,
come to an end.
Go ahead, retire, don't be afraid, for godsake;
you'll get your pension,
we'll get you a job:
night watchman,
Tootsie Roll plant, Hoboken.
TO B. TRAVEN
Where is the true country of men?
Where are you, B. Traven?—
death-ship sailor,
treasure-seeker,
son of Macario, brother of the hanged—
where are you now?
TO RAMON SENDER
Young men in the slums
of Barcelona
speak of you, read you—
in seven red Sundays you'll re-conquer Spain.
Viva Bakunin!
TO THE VIETCONG SOLDIER
Under the all-Amerikan
napalm boys,
whatever your name, whoever you are,
that Saigon embassy will once again be yours.
Remember Dien Bien Phu,
Remember Valley Forge.…
TO FIDEL
Goddamnit hombre, stop shooting people.
The real revolution begins
with the exile of the executioner.
Send your enemies
to the American Bay of Pigs—
Palm-Miami Beach—
they'll like it there.
TO THE CHASE MANHATTAN BANK
Moloch still rises,
belching smog and garlic-flavored nerve gas,
towering above the city
like another Vampire State Building,
smile full of Cadillac crocodiles.
TO THE MAHARISHI WHAT'S-HIS-NAME
Oh hairy little man from what's-it-called,
from the sickliest nation on earth,
how grateful we are
to have you come
to teach us how to live.
[Editor's Note: Judson Crews was a friend from Abbey's 1950s Taos days; Robert Creeley was a 1950s college friend from the University of New Mexico; John DePuy—"Debris"—is a southwestern landscape painter and one of Abbey's oldest and closest friends; B. Traven was the pen name used by the mysterious author of The Treasure of the Sierra Madre and other novels, and one of Abbey's literary influences.]
For the Old Man
(On His Seventy-Fifth Birthday)
Salud, mi padre, on this festive day!
Gawd bless yr whiskers & yr mortal clay.
(& while we're at it, bless old Dios too,
Who needs our blessings far more, Paw, than you
Need his—for is He not our creature?
Modeled on man in every manly feature?)
But now salute the man & not the Ghost,
Fuck the eternal, bless the mortal host
Of friends assembled at this sagging board
Of baked & basted fowl, of meat & pumpkin gourd.
(Don't frown at my clichés, there's more to come.)
Make water into wine, by Christ! the sum
Of all we know & can desire is seen
Within the distillated grape, serene,
To which yourself can testify, old horse
(Referring here to our old man, of course)
Who roars & rages in his grand old age
With all the beauty of a classic sage—
Oh one & noble, rare paternity,
High on ¾ of a century!
Oh mountaineer of time, upon your dizzy height—
What lies beyond the day? beyond the night?
You need not answer, for we're climbing too
And soon enough will come to share the view
And share as well—why not?—that viney essence
Which does its best to justify our presence
Upon this bloody, sacrificial, beatific earth.
(Throw in an extra foot or two, who cares?
Does God not love to tangle pubic hairs?)
Which you, my woodsman Dad, have tramped
since birth.
Salud! No man was ever more alive
Than macho our old man at seventy-five!
On the Birth of My Son
(After Su Tung-p'o)
Most fathers, when they have a son,
hope the boy will prove intelligent.
But I, through misapplied intelligence,
have wrecked my whole life,
and therefore hope my son
will grow up ignorant,
stupid and dull.
That way he'll lead a tranquil life
as a public administrator,
college president,
or United States Senator.
BOOK IV
Love's Bawdy
Frivolous Question
You say
you love me now.
Okay.
But will you love me
when I'm old
and bald and fat
and impotent as
an empty sock
and cold?
[Editor's Note: The first three poems in this section were read by poet-in-residence Edward Abbey to an overflowing—and audibly shocked—house at the University of Arizona in 1977.]
Two Profane Love Songs
1. no matter what you do baby
no difference where you go
I'll be watching you
yes every time you see
some big-assed bird in yr sky
—hawk, eagle, buzzard, owl—
why, that's me baby that's me
re-in-carnate… re-meated…
watching you fondly
you sweet little fuck
2. don't cry sweetheart
this was all foreseen
and foreordained
a fat million years ago…
that you should come crying to my bed
wearing my ragged pajamas
that you should spread yr legs
reluctant
while I
explore your velvet pussy with my nose
slipping first my finger
and then my foot
into it
yes
all foretold
a million years ago.
I Wish
I wish my arms
were around you now
and your legs
around my neck
and my tongue
down in your throat
and your fingernails
in my kidneys
and my fingers
in your cheeks
and your hair
in my eyes and nose
and my ears
between your knees
and your nipples
on my belly
and my thing
inside your thing.
Okay. What else?
Oh yes—
and my feet
against the wall.
I Don't Want Them All
(I Just Want All the Ones I Want)
All the pretty girls—
Abbey's downfall, his destruction.
And his only regret—
the ones he missed. Oh!
The standing cock
hath no conscience. Oh!
How can I be true to one,
without being false to all the others?
Mornings in Santa Fe,
Dead in Death Valley
The tomatoes were still green
your coffee black and bitter,
but the taste of your sweet brown nipples
in my teeth reminded me
that I was home again.
Home at last, I thought, sliding in,
as if for once my weary drive
back and forth across this bloody continent
had come to a real garage.
Mirage. Within ten weeks
my idyll would be smashed
in the valley of rock and alkali,
horseshit and movie actors,
and all my pretty hopes banged out of shape again.
BOOK V
Desert Music
Black Sun
to lie alone in the desert
and stare at the sun
until the sun goes black.…
Black sun, black sun of my heart—
Strike down your shaking blaze of fire
Eat up my eyes and brain
Burn me clean and dry of all desire.
Black, black, sun in my heart—
Rain down your murderous love
Your flash and carbon, cancer and heat
Bake me sweet as a dove
Sweet as a stone, black as a bird
Flay me with fire to the bone
Wrap me and wash me in flame
And leave me clean and alone
On the lost shore of a river I know
In the strange-lit country of stone.
Down the River
(September; 1963—Sunset Crater, Arizona)
Let's go now, boys, down that river
where the blue herons stalk through the cane
and beaver swim against the current,
quiet, strong, steady as the river;
where the slick amber walls of sandstone
lean over the brown god's flow, rising up straight
into light and a thousand feet of vibrant space—
(withdraw)
That's for us: sandbars and reedy islands,
deep still canyons leading into peace,
glens with clear springs, the plume of tamarisk,
silence, clarity, the sharp prints of deer
on the shore, down from the mesas beyond.
Bring your girls, your bibles, your poems
and children, bring in your souls' and hearts' courage
to search and hope, and prepare, and wait,
while the world we knew drowns slowly
but with sure increasing certainty
into its predetermined swamp of madness.
(withdraw withdraw)
Once there we will build on rock
a house of stone that will outlast
all of their wars and furies, their carnivals of despair,
keeping on the hearth a fire of juniper
and wild scrub oak to warm the hall
and praise your eyes, your speech, your hands,
saving some part of the old virtue
(withdraw withdraw withdraw)
until the smoke clears and the time comes
to leave the wilderness and build at last
on the poor black battered plains of man
that visionary city of the prophecies.
The Dry Season
All day long I watch the blue sublime sky
with its perfect clouds
and the rain that fades into nothing halfway down.
The wind blows, every day, all the time,
though not without variety: yesterday blowing hard,
today blowing harder.
My Chinese windbells tinkle
like spirits in bracelets all morning,
at noon, all afternoon and all through
the flat dead hours of the night.
We're not complaining, just stating the fact.
(Your lips are dry and cracked, sweetheart,
your eyes are red, and breathing's hard.)
Good God, we need some rain.
Perhaps I should light my signal fire
in the crater of the old volcano,
beat the drum, begin my little dance…?
I don't know. It's the dry season,
the pine needles crackle under my boots
like raw spaghetti,
dust rises at every step, the wind
drives it into my face;
the fire danger is rated EXTREME.
The flowers wait, curled in their buds,
and even the cactus hesitates to bloom.
Rain! Christ, give us some rain.
All day long we stare at the beautiful sky
with its beautiful, perfect clouds….
Ambition
(1965—Hoboken)
I wish to be
an inspector of volcanoes.
I want to study cloud formations
and memorize the wind
and learn by heart the habits of
the ponderosa pine.
While we sit here
in our air-conditioned offices
rattling fresh documents
and arranging new wars
wasting time and squandering eternity
some really great things
are happening OUT THERE.
viz., a buzzard sails above Deadhorse Point
five thousand feet above the Colorado River
and rolling down the sands of Grand Gulch
unseen by any human eye
a rumbling flood pours down to meet
another at the mouth of Happy Jack Wash.
Magpies are wheeling through the blue
of Magpie Arch above the land of Moab
and way down far in Stillwater Canyon
a blue heron stalks beneath the plumes
of lavender tamarisk. My God
I'm missing it all
sitting here in this office
with the windows that don't open
sixty-seven floors above the street
reading the New York Times
world's funniest newspaper
(think of all those joyous young pines
with who-knows-what aspirations of their own
cut down to feed a pulp mill)
and staring through the glass
from time to time
down into the smoking lanes
of the world's busiest graveyard.
American Picnic
(November; 7967—Tucson)
(in a desert place)
There was a trace of rain last night:
but now the sun.
And the subtle nut-sweet odor
of creosote floats like smoke.
One lizard crawls with care
down the face of mica-glinting rock.
The sand, pink as coral, lies warm
beneath our bodies, firm and good
and yielding to our hands.
Our supper cooks upon the clear
slow passion of burning mesquite.
The autumn sun consoles
our naked limbs. Doves call
from the middle distance and a hawk
patrols the quiet, waiting, blue-gold hills.
Miles overhead, three gray shapes
pass silently, like sharks,
trailing vapor plumes across the tranquil sky.
(Rejected by The Nation, Atlantic, Harper's.—E.A.)
An Evening Star
Through the rosy desert glow
of the smoggy Phoenix twilight
—that air as soft and rich as honey—
we saw this girl come near:
"revoltingly young,"
"an ancient sixteen-year-old"
with the level gaze and steady eyes
and classical good looks
of a classical goddess
and we thought, my painter friend and I,
"There goes the night. We'll get no sleep
tonight. We're going to make fools
of ourselves tonight, thinking of this girl,
this oleander air, the sky,
that chromium planet on the west
signifying love, going down in the rose
of the sun…"
Desert Music
Midnight on the desert.
La Bohème on the radio.
Love in my thoughts, as always.
There has never been a day in my life
when I was not in love
with at least two, often three, four
or even more—women.
Judy and Susannah (bless them both)
sleeping in the next room.
Farewell to the desert for a while…
maybe return next year? Maybe.
Who knows.
Who cares?
Oh reveries of solitary
wandering. For all the crazy days
of my chaotic life—
perpetual improvisation
from month to month, year to year—
if I should live that long.
Sometimes I think I'll live to be
a wild old shaggy man of ninety-odd—
a shy shaman, wooly wizard witch doctor—
and then I think
I'll cash in my chips tomorrow,
in some way fashionably absurd:
motorcycle knotted 'round a power pole—
heart colliding with a poacher's bullet—
a high exhilarating fall from rotten rock
upon my sun-bedazzled head—
a mysterious disease from inner space—
or simply disappear. Disappear,
from everyone, myself included,
down in the grandest canyons of the soul.
Is suicide the only sensible solution?
Oh the charming fantasies
of one's own death,
more fun than comic books.
But I shall live a little longer.
The sleeping sounds of wife and child
are warrant enough for that.
Outside in the cactus fields
I hear the rodents scurry,
and farther off, under the moon,
the call of a great horned owl.
Buen cazador, mi compadre.
A Sonnet for Everett Ruess
(1983—Oracle, Arizona)
You walked into the radiance of death
through passageways of stillness, stone and light,
gold coin of cottonwoods, the spangled shade,
cascading song of canyon wren, the flight
of scarlet dragonflies at pools, the stain
of water on a curve of sand, the art
of roots that crack the monolith of time.
You know the crazy lust to probe the heart
of that which has no heart we could know,
toward the source, deep in the core, the maze,
the secret center where no bounds hold.
Hunter, brother, companion of our days:
that blessing you hunted, hunted too;
what you were seeking, is what found you.
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